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Here are a few excerpts from my personal journalings. I shared the first excerpt as a WhatsApp status to friends and family, then decided that continuing in the habit of sharing my journaling might a) encourage some other young mothers also in the raising-littles stage, and b) encourage me to write more in a time when taking time to write feels like a luxury.
Feel free to share your own stories in the comments. I’d love to read them.
August 25, 2022
(This original Whatsapp post was accompanied by an idyllic picture of the children in our double stroller on the walking trail at the park, with Hadassah eating an ice cream cone.)
Do not be fooled…this was not a chaos free trip. The ice cream machine at McDonald’s was being cleaned so we resorted to Burger King. We were a cacaphony of disgruntled children for most of the second half of the walk. Hadassah alternated standing up in her seat and dragging her feet on the ground. At the playground Noah demanded to be fed while Hadassah bolted for the van (and her little potty) three times (we’re officially potty training this week) – twice with a poopy diaper (did not venture out of the house in panties, thankfully). Noah screamed all the way home.
I was reminded today of the ups and downs of motherhood.
I was encouraged by how Hadassah had more trustworthy moments with Noah…while at the same time I had to discipline her 4? 5? times for scratching him intentionally or sitting on him in his swing.
She had no accidents today…until I told someone that and she promptly pooped her pants. Still way better than the last two days!
And then there were the random hugs. The sweet kiss on the lips before bed. (She was on a kissing strike for awhile.) The sweet way she held Noah. Noah’s big grins in the bathtub. The constant 1- and 2-word commentary on our day. How thrilled she was to get “nummy” ice cream.
They’re made in the image of God…with a hearty dose of earth. Aren’t we all?
Wouldn’t trade it.
September 2, 2022
At the park and she pooped her panties with diarrhea twice. Why I thought raisins were a good snack… We are now wearing a diaper.
She stayed dry while shopping though.
I was feeling somewhat frustrated, and then I felt bad, so I asked her for a hug. And without reserve she runs toward me with arms wide open, adorable grin on her Hadassah face. Worth it. Every bit.
And then she swings around like a monkey on the playground! I showed her how to do a rather difficult section of playground and instructed her to only do it with Mommy because she wasn’t big enough to do it by herself. And of course she proceeds to do it on her own, and I was happy to see how careful she was. I know some day I’ll probably look back and be sad that my babies are gone, but it’s so fun to see them growing and learning new things and being so pleased with themselves. And not gonna lie, I enjoy not having to be quite so vigilant about every little thing. I like independent children. But I’d be sad if they were too independent.
September 3, 2022
Today motherhood was…leaving the house a mess and the toilets moldy in the interest of spending time with my children. Noah chortling. Hadassah sweetly giving him his nippy in the stroller and going, “Shhh.” Endless conversations with a toddler about deer noises on the porch for the flowers (a sonic deer repeller) and bug noises (cicadas) and how they’re different. Watching my toddler blow bubbles in the moonlight into her brother’s face, and his smiles at her, and spotting stars. “Twinkle star.” Giving baths, and nursing a tired baby who went right to sleep, and a toddler finally worn out from the day’s activities. Running on too little sleep and again trying to do housework after 10 pm while the hubby is working nights. A long nap. A helpful husband and a morning family outing. Exhaustion. Sweetness.
September 14, 2022
[Wednesday evening] prayer meeting was set to start at 7:30pm. That meant we had to leave at 6:30. Ryan wasn’t due to get home until 6:15 at the earliest, which meant that I should probably have supper ready early, get the kiddos ready, and feed Noah so I’d be free to drive while Ryan ate on the way to church. After several weeks of teething toddler and being stretched thin and feeling inadequate, being in control of something (driving) sounded appealing. As did handing the responsibility for all of the requests arising from the back seat to someone else while having some quiet time with my headphones, an Agatha Christie audiobook, and the road.
I popped a freezer casserole into the oven at 4:40 thinking I had plenty of time, but of course it didn’t bake as fast as I thought it would. (How would I know…it had been an experimental conglomeration of stuff to use up pre-Noah, of course.) This meant that supper got pushed later than hoped for and I grudgingly abandoned all hopes of cleaning up the dishes before church. While Hadassah finished her dessert, I ran upstairs to get changed. Grabbing a church dress for Hadassah I ran back downstairs…to find Hadassah gleefully stomping around on the dining room table instead of confined to her high chair. This kid is a monkey. I removed her play dress (smeared with the remnants of supper) and probably instructed her to go potty, since that is my undying refrain these days. Poor Noah had been abandoned to the pack and play and was making his objections known, so I decided to feed him while Hadassah attended to business. No sooner had I gotten him latched on than Hadassah escaped out the front door and started trucking off to the neighbors’…wearing nothing but her underpants and a mischievous grin. Noah was quickly unlatched and unceremoniously dumped back into the pack and play, much to his chagrin. Thankfully Hadassah was doubling back to our house by the time I got some shoes on to protect my hosiery. She came inside, I reattached my long-suffering son, and to occupy Big Sister I instructed her to find her backpack in the kitchen so we could fill it with some baby doll supplies to play with on the 45 minute drive to church. She disappeared to the kitchen. A short time later I realized that all was quiet – too quiet. Still feeding Noah, I decided that ignorance is sometimes bliss, and I needed some bliss. By the time I put two and two together, I heard the dreaded announcement. “Poos,” she said, and ran for the bathroom, only the underwear were already off and she was dunking them in the toilet. Yep, there were chunks on the floor. There were smears on her legs. I peeked around the corner at the kitchen and saw some smudges there too. It was approximately 6:28. Ryan was not home yet. Noah was thankfully nearly done eating. His dinner was just going to have to be a little shorter than usual. He was again abandoned to the pack and play while I carried Hadassah gingerly upstairs to the tub and washed her down – definitely not for the first time that week. As most times happens, it worked out. Ryan came in the door just as I was getting Hadassah dressed. I combed her hair and she occupied herself trying on shoes while I cleaned up the floors in bathroom and kitchen. We buckled into the van. Ryan ate. I drove. Hadassah narrated. We prayed. Ryan drove home. I cleaned up the kitchen at 11 and got to bed after midnight because I wanted to write down the circus for posterity. And that is how we got ready for church.
There were also precious moments.
Hadassah and I sat together on the porch – she drawing (remarkably legible) balloons, me writing out thank you cards for baby gifts.
Hadassah saw a bowl of food scraps on the porch, so she picked it up and started trucking off for the woods. I went with her to supervise…and because I was curious. On the way she grinned up at me and spouted her typical “sentence” made up of disjointed words. “Dump. Deer. Woods. Helper.” Which roughly translates to, “I’m going to dump this in the woods for the deer to eat. I’m a big helper!” (1: In an effort to keep her from eating nasty rotten hawthorn berries on the sidewalk, I told her to throw them on the ground for the birds to eat. Now she thinks that anything thrown on the ground outside will be consumed by some animal. We see a lot of urban deer. They like to eat my flowers, so we have a sonic repeller on the porch that makes a frightful noise when it senses movement. Which leads to another common sentence: “Deer. Noise. Porch. Flowers.”)(2: Hadassah likes to be a big helper. If I fail to commend her for some action, she will remind me. “Helper!”)
Later I was snipping beans for supper and Hadassah could hardly wait for me to be done. As soon as I finished she took off with the bowl of bean ends, equipped with her new snow boots from Grandma, dress caught hilariously in her undies. Off to the woods she went again!
September 21, 2022
Tonight motherhood looks like golden clouds in blue sky, smelling grill smoke on our walk, pushing Noah in the stroller while Hadassah toddles along behind with her baby doll, wearing her butterfly dress. The doll is wearing a cute floral dress from Grandma. Sometimes she gets dropped on her head, sometimes Hadassah tries to carry her on her shoulders like Daddy does, and sometimes she rides in the stroller.
There’s a breeze, and my heart is full. The smell of weed is in the air, at least that’s what I think it is. An innocent Mennonite doesn’t know what weed definitively smells like, but I’ve heard it smells like skunk, and this smells skunky.
Hadassah is distracted as usual. After a while I’ll make her ride in the stroller so I can actually walk. Then I’ll have to keep a close eye on her and Noah, although maybe the baby doll will help keep her occupied this time so she keeps her hands to herself.
(Hadassah pulls on the door handle to someone’s vehicle) “Das, that’s somebody else’s car. Come.”
If I’m lucky I’ll get to listen to my Agatha Christie audiobook.
Last night Noah was sleeping lightly so we ended up on the guest bed together. Hadassah woke at 6:40. I got her out of bed at 7 when it was obvious she wasn’t going back to sleep. As soon as I got up Noah woke up even though he wasn’t ready. We did our typical morning stuff, although this morning I actually managed to clean up the kitchen and comb my hair in good time. Noah took a longish nap so H and I worked on some sewing projects downstairs and I actually got the nursing slits fixed in some old dresses. When Noah woke up at 11 we went to the new big Goodwill on our exit right off the highway. I found some fabric for sewing projects. Then we went to Aldi. Got back around 1, ate lunch, then H took a nap from 2-5. Noah took two naps within that. I was tired but forwent a nap in the interest of putting groceries away, making an actual supper that didn’t come from the freezer, tidying the sewing room, and cutting out a dress for Das. Took a walk after supper and talked to Sonja and Carla, and now am inside. Ryan is putting H to bed, Noah is wriggling on his tummy on my lap and slobbering on my dress, and I have dishes to do.
September 26, 2022
Well, I knew it would happen someday. We went on a walk this morning, had lunch, and then I put Hadassah upstairs in her bed for a nap. She hadn’t pooped yet. She was in panties. You see where this is going. While I was feeding Noah downstairs she pooped. I knew I should probably check on her, but I waited a little too long. By the time I got up there things had spread. I plopped her in the tub, give her a bath, put the poopy mess down in the washer to soak, changed her sheets, got her out and got her dressed, all while poor Noah was crying in the swing downstairs, his meal half finished. But it’s okay. All I can do is my best, and trust God to take care of the rest. I pray that she soon learns how to poop on the potty.
September 27, 2022
It was a day. We started out the day with the typical poopy underwear situation. Later, while I was getting Noah’s jacket on to go on a short walk before lunch, Hadassah slipped out the front door. Usually she just stays around the porch, or opens the doors on the van and plays in there. Not ideal, but not life threatening. I was in the house for no more than 2 minutes getting Noah ready and situated in his pouch on my chest before stepping outside. What do I see but a neighbor lady (whom I had waved to but never actually met) coming up our short dead-end road with Hadassah straggling behind. “She was in my yard,” the kind woman said. “I’ve seen you out walking so I knew where she belonged. My name is Bianca, by the way.” I thanked her profusely, and then realized where she lived. Down our road and ACROSS another. Granted, that one isn’t super busy, but busy enough. I thoroughly chastised Hadassah, my heart thumping with adrenaline, and as the little miss ran ahead down the sidewalk, I repeatedly thanked God for watching over her.
Later, after lunch and naps, we had a diarrhea mess in the undies that warranted midday baths. Noah needed one anyway, and I frankly just wanted a place to keep Hadassah contained for awhile. She likes baths. On this particular day she discovered the joys of purposely peeing in the tub, and she also made herself useful washing Noah for me.
Later, Hadassah disappeared to the basement while I was picking up toys in the living room. I don’t usually like her to wander around down there by herself because my sewing stuff is down there, and while there’s nothing life threatening, she gets into things she shouldn’t. But I can’t always be running after her, so I finished picking the toys up before investigating. She had gotten into a bottle of (strong smelling) lotion and had it smeared on her hands, the ends of her long sleeves, and in her freshly rinsed hair. Lovely.
While I finished cleaning up that mess, I turned around to find her up at the dining room table that I had just set for supper – with a steak knife in her mouth. I know most mothers probably think their child is busy, but I think I have grounds to prove my case. Despite keeping after Miss Hadassah, I had a fairly productive day. I was able to work on sewing a play dress for Hadassah (made out of a thrifted pillowcase and curtain), wrote out envelopes for birth announcements, did some computer work, folded laundry, and gave the dirty kitchen sink a facelift while Ryan took the children out running in the double stroller. There’s nothing like motherhood to make you feel like you have a full time job.
September 28, 2022
Just got both of the children buckled into the van to run some errands this morning, and I feel like I ran a marathon. Also pretty sure it’s nap time now. And it’s raining.
Well, that’s it for this edition! I thoroughly enjoyed reading back through memories from going on 5 months ago and am thanking God that Hadassah is fully potty trained and fairly reliable in that department now. She also gets along much better with Noah and is just more responsible and trustworthy in general, although still very busy!
The pictures in this post are several months old as well, because that’s just how my blogging goes these days…haha.
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I would have H help clean up messes, specially easy ones and that way she’s with you. I would also spank. It works
Yep, we do both of those. 😉
Oh Brianna,
I truly needed to read this today. You made me feel normal. It’s 10:30PM and my husband is gone for a few nights due to his job and I am enjoying some peace and quiet. Just the other day while I was cleaning up the house at 11PM I wondered if this is just me or how other real Mom’s do it. I have two children, a daughter and then a son and by the sounds of it, they are very close your children’s ages. It’s hard to imagine that some of these days I am going to MISS?!?! but I don’t doubt. I probably will.
Keep writing. Tonight you were my source of inspiration.
Hi Briana,
I just ordered your cookbooks and really looking forward to them after reading your “not a foreword”. I almost ordered one on Amazon but then thought I’d look at your website and see if I could get them direct instead. Anyway, I enjoyed reading your motherhood blog. I’m a mom of 9 including two older kids adopted from Ukraine at ages 10 and 13, 18 years ago. At that time we already had 5 kids, ages 11, 9, 7, 5, and 2. We had two more after that who are now teenagers. Anyway, I LOVED your tips I already read in your cookbook, so I have a couple tips for you that might be helpful with your rambunctious two year old. Might not work for you, but it worked for me so just some FYI in case there’s something that can help a bit with that. I had a couple of rambunctious ones as well. Most of them I didn’t potty train until they were 3, because if they aren’t potty trained really young (and there is a way to train them very young), when they are between 18 mos and 3, they are a bit resistant and harder to train. Some of them seemed to need to go quite often at that age. I had a lot of young kids at a time and I didn’t need the extra hassle and cleanup mess of a child who poops in their pants. So I just stuck with diapers. If I was home and had time, I would try to get them on the potty when I knew they were likely to go, based on noticing their usual time. Often right after a meal. It was the poopy that we were trying to catch. Sometimes at that age, they would pee so often that it wasn’t worth the effort of having to put them on the potty so many times per day. Instead, I would rather just change them a couple times as the disposable diapers would still feel dry to them even if they went a little bit every so often. Around age 3, their bladders can wait longer between potty trips and they are so much easier to train. My kids all got potty trained in a few easy days without any stress for me or them. I didn’t have to clean up poop from underpants or anywhere around the house or bathroom. I would give them one jelly bean if they produced something on the potty, and if they forgot to ask, I didn’t offer it. (after going on the potty became a good habit) They would forget about the jelly beans after a few weeks. The other tip is, have locks on your doors that your child can’t reach or open so she can’t go out of of the house by herself. For that age of child, I always had to keep my radar on. You’ve got to keep an eye on them because they are a danger to themselves, as their capabilities to climb and such are beyond their lack of wisdom. You know she’s the type to get into things so you have to keep ahead of her if you want less messes to clean up and less danger. Also, I learned a lot about child training from these books: “To Train up a Child” by Michael and Debi Pearl. They have a website, NoGreaterJoy I think it’s .org. They have articles on their website too, but when I read their straightforward and practical books, it was just so helpful and worked so well with my kids. Kids are so much happier and obedient when they know how to obey and what to expect. It’ll make life with little kids a lot more enjoyable with less stressful episodes. I can give you some examples too if you want. Some of it is showing them what you want them to do and then practicing it with them. But the best explanations are in the books.
Briana, thanks for your blog. I’m a huge fan but I’ve never commented.
I just want to tell you a few things from a mom who’s BEEN THERE:
1. You are doing a GREAT job. In my opinion so far (I don’t have teenagers or adult children so I can’t speak to that), you are absolutely in the toughest stage. It is okay to say that. Every single day can be tough. Of course, yes, it has its beautiful moments. And it’s good to recognize that as you do. But motherhood, especially when you have just littles, is like 3 full time jobs in one. And being a new mom is extra hard because you are trying to figure everything out.
2. Yes, your oldest is a HANDFUL! I want to validate your feelings on that. My 1st baby was colicky and screamed nonstop for the first 3 months of her life. The subsequent three years were FILLED…I mean FILLED…with episodes as you describe. At the time, I thought it was normal…aren’t all kids like this? I was beyond exhausted. Then I had my second baby…and she only cried occasionally! She was calm and content. I honestly thought something was wrong with her. But then I realized…oh! Not all children have such a busy, fiery personality as my 1st!
3. IT WILL ALL PAY OFF. I promise you this. The hard work you are doing right now in training your children is so important and you WILL see the fruits of it. While your days are filled with seemingly endless tasks, when it is so easy to think that it’s all for nothing because the mess you cleaned up 5 times was just made again, or you have to give the third bath for the day, or you’re so tired you can’t even concentrate…it is like training for a marathon. Right now you are in the beginning stages of training when everything hurts and running is not enjoyable and you’re trying to just get through the workouts…the race will come, and you will be in shape, and you will love and enjoy it!
4. Older kids are SO FUN and SO HELPFUL. I have 6 kids (pregnant with #7) and my oldest is 10. This period of motherhood is wonderful. The older kids are fully capable (and love to!) help with the toddler and the baby. I can actually shower or take naps if I need to. When I was sick in my 1st trimester I could actually rest. They help clean up. It’s not all on my shoulders. My 5th (a toddler right now just like Hadassah) is another HANDFUL, all over the place, reminds me exactly of my 1st. But it’s different this time…because I have older kids! You will get to this stage. It will feel like you have finished the marathon and now you are looking over the top of the hill and enjoying all the fruits of your hard work. My oldest, who was SUCH a handful for years, is now a total joy. Her fiery personality is now a gift of passion and perseverance and a thirst for justice.
Keep going momma. Rely on God, he will give you the supernatural graces you need to get through this stage. I will pray for you! You’re doing awesome!
Thank you so much for taking the time to write all that, Ashley! It’s so encouraging to hear from moms like you who have been in this stage and survived and are now enjoying a different stage. There’s lots to enjoy in this stage too, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I wonder if it will ALWAYS be like this. On the very hard days it’s encouraging to hear that no, it does get easier! Noah has proven to be a much “easier” baby in many respects. He’s still quite active (must be Ryan’s genes coming through…haha), but it’s not quite Hadassah’s frantic energy. But even with her I see glimpses of the responsible, cheerful hard worker that I think she will become. I’m amazed at how helpful a 2 year old can be. Even just that she can take herself potty and get herself dressed most of the way feels like a huge help at this point! So I can only imagine what it’s like when the older ones are autonomous and can even help steer the younger ones in the right direction. I think it will make a big difference too when Noah is old enough that the two of them can actively play together without my having to worry about her doing him bodily harm.
Thanks again for your comment!
“Exhaustion. Sweetness.” was my favorite part of this whole blog, because I think that sums up motherhood in a nutshell! My kiddos are almost 13 (1 week left!), 10, and 9, and exhaustion and sweetness are still the overwhelming themes of each day! It is an entirely different exhaustion and sweetness than it was when they were 3, 1, and a newborn, though. You are doing a wonderful job, and I’d love to have more real posts like this!
Dear Briana, Welcome to motherhood x2. You are truly blessed with Ryan, Das,+Noah. A beautiful family, and much more to experience and learn. God bless all 4 of you! 🙏❤️🤗🎶
Thank you, Carol! I feel truly blessed with my little family!
I laughed and tears filled my eyes by turns as I read these memories and stories of yours. I remember those days with only littles in the house and how incredibly busy a 2 yo can be! I was an unseasoned 22 yo myself and really had no clue how to be a wife, mommy and efficiently run a home. I cried a lot and was beyond frustrated! Praise God for His mercy and patience. He taught me SO MUCH in the next 2 years before a 3rd little one was added to our home. Now many years later and a total of 10 children added to our joy, I remember with SUCH fondness having just little ones. Very precious days indeed. Exhausting, full ,busy, foundational!
Now we have a whole huge mixture of marrieds (with grandbabies🤩!!!), grown adults, teens ,middle kids and a 3 yo. Life is GOOD. Each part -the hard stuff mixed up with the glory. Would not trade it either.
Thanks, Briana, for sharing, and helping me remember.😘 Many blessings!!!
That’s so fun to hear, Leslie. I love hearing from moms in stages beyond my own – their reminiscence as well as the fun that they’re having in their own stage!
My youngest will be 3 in May, but she is my 7th; I’m glad you’re able to enjoy the “just littles” stage & soak it in, it’s truly the sweetest & I miss it now that I’m a taxi for teenagers and activities everywhere. Enjoy your snuggles!
I am almost 72 and reading your blog brings back lots of memories 😊. I raised 4 children and the three daughters each have two children. Our son is still living at home. I had him when I was 42 and home schooled him. He is now working on his second Master’s degree. He loves the Lord and a joy to have around for my husband and myself. Since I don’t have my grandchildren around me, it is wonderful reading your blog and seeing the progression as your children grow. The Lord has blessed you with a wonderful family and thank you for being so open and real.
Hello Briana!
Thank you so much for sharing a peak into your life!
I also am a young mother, and have two littles ones, they are 1 and 2 years old. Have a new little blessing due in April!
I realize after reading your post that I am not alone in the struggle of keeping a balance between my children, the house, and outside chores (we live on a farm and raise tons of animals)
Thank you so much for the encouragment, may God bless and keep you on the days when you feel like nothing is left in your tank!
Blessings,
Susannah Joy
I have a feeling that all of us in this stage could share very similar stories. You are not alone! I have Galatians 6:9 on my fridge: And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.