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“And swift came to my sight
All that I’d lost; a bitter grief to twine
Each deed or love I’d ventured, and to bare
My dreams, long buried, vaulted, and forgot.
I knelt once more by that pale light, to mourn
My young heart’s fire…”Hermann Miller – “The Shrine”
Life is dull without literature, so I recently signed up to receive a weekly poem from The Curator. (You can sign up here.) The poem excerpted (yes, that is a word, I looked it up) above came in such an email and hit me square between the eyes.
I don’t have a lot to say on the subject, except that several thoughts and events on the subject of dreams and goals pitted against the lack of time and energy in young motherhood have been converging in my brain lately and I’d like to hear what YOU have to say on the matter. After I ramble a bit.
The pictures in this post: everyday moments and beauty – where my creative pursuits and the simple and holy worship of daily life converge
In memory of dreams
Ryan, Hadassah, and I recently attended a weekend retreat for Anabaptist college students. It’s held at “The Castle,” a romantic stone manor house built by an oil baron sometime before there was air conditioning, and is meant to encourage young students who are attending college and trying to keep the faith while doing so. We snuck in because Ryan is technically still in training (gastroenterology fellowship, year 12 of 14 in his education journey).
I left feeling positively middle aged.
I guess I am 25, after all. (don’t laugh) At home I often still feel like a teenager, but rubbing up against fresh youth and vigor I realized that I have more experience and perspective, more responsibility – and considerably less time and energy – than I used to. I always wanted to go to college to become a writer or a counsellor, but when high school triggered a fair amount of latent OCPD, I decided to take a gap year. In that year I started blogging, realized that I didn’t need to go to college to do what I wanted to do, and the rest is history. My history, at least.
Note: I’ve mentioned before that I have OCD. I do have some compulsive behaviors, but after further consideration and the opinion of my medical husband, I’m pretty sure it’s actually OCPD. It’s severe enough that I’m on medication for it (which has greatly enhanced my quality of life!).
I’ve never been a college student. I used to have lots of hopes and dreams, a career and business interests, popularity and a fair amount of success. I still get recognized a lot, either by, “Don’t you have a cookbook?” or “Did you sing in (insert choral a cappella group)?”
But now? Now my days are fairly hum drum, filled with dishes and diapers and constant discipline of a very active 11 month old whom I love to pieces and would never, ever trade. I like house work. My primary calling is to be a wife and mother, and I’m good with that. But at this retreat I found myself self conscious that my calling is inadequate, or at the very least – boring.
I struggled through the nights away from home when my daughter woke several times, not being in her own bed, and the days, in which she was teething and refusing to nap. I missed out on all the workshop sessions fighting her to sleep, that little jack-in-the-box peering innocently and annoyingly over the side of the playpen. But I also got to talk to people who reinvigorated me. Who encouraged me that it is possible to retain part of who I was pre-Hadassah while adding the perspective and – dare I say, refinement? – of motherhood.
Most of the students were single, but I got to observe and talk to the staff, most of whom were married with families and have been through the college journey (one or both spouses). I was reminded that I still have something to offer, and I still deserve to pursue dreams, but I also cannot place my value in accomplishments. I am no less a person now as a mother than I was with a career and aspirations ahead of me. (Thanks to my husband for that reminder.)
Don’t let your dreams get buried too deep(ly), but don’t get hung up on them either.
Everyday moments
And then some of Ryan’s young and artsy cousins posted a blog post with beautiful photography of everyday scenes (a la One Thousand Gifts), and I was reminded to carpe diem – seize the day.
I heard Hadassah babbling upstairs, naptime over. I opened the nursery door to a cuteness overload in the form of my “adolescent baby” standing in her crib. So tall and grown up (my heart!), but still adorably innocent with those soft curls, bare baby legs, a pink heart onesie, and a girly pacifier with little bees on it (bought by my mom when Hadassah threw the rest of them down the registers that are still uncovered a year after moving in). It barely covers her grin of delight at seeing me.
Perhaps my lofty goals and concrete ambitions should be exchanged for the simplicity of the holy. Those small moments of faithfulness will be the enduring legacy I leave behind, after all.
Practical solutions
On the other hand, dreams are good. They’re invigorating, inspiring, illuminating. They are God-given! Ryan and I talked about some ways that we can work together to give me time to work on the dreams that God has placed inside of me – writing, recipe creation, photography, and business on a smaller scale more for the joy of it than the monetary return.
We’re going to shoot for one night a week that I can count on to be “mine” in which to create. (Not just blogging, but other personal projects as well that are hard to accomplish with a baby, like sewing, or designing photobooks of memories, etc.) I’d also like to find a trustworthy babysitter so that I can have one or several days a month in which to work during the day and catch up on projects that have fallen by the wayside. We weren’t meant to raise children in a vacuum, but in community. Unfortunately right now due to Ryan’s medical training we’re not living close to family, and we’re about 45 minutes away from our church community, but we’ll just have to be resourceful for a few years.
I don’t like to be on the computer a lot while Hadassah is awake, and it’s not easy to concentrate when keeping an eye on a crawling baby either…. I do work on the computer during her naptimes, but those often get eaten up by housework or naps for myself when we’re in a particularly bad stretch of night sleeping.
Those are my thoughts. I’d love to hear from YOU!
- What were your dreams before you entered motherhood?
- How have you kept those alive, or revamped them?
- What practical solutions have you found to both be present for your family but also not lose the talents God has given you?
- What projects are you working on right now?
- Share a word picture painting one of today’s holy moments!
Update: Thank y’all so much for sharing. Being able to hear from such a wide variety of backgrounds and ages and seasons is such a gift. Thank you for the great reminders – and the solidarity. Sometimes it just helps to know that I’m not the first and only to ask these questions.
Speaking of creative words and inspiring literature, I highly recommend Peanut Butter and Dragon Wings: A Mother’s Search for Grace (Shari Zook).
Now please excuse me. My child is awake. 🙂
Post Script
I’d just like to clarify that I love being a mother and I’m so grateful for the opportunity. As I said above, I wouldn’t trade Hadassah for anything! Motherhood is very fulfilling. I’m just trying to find a balance that also leaves room for some creative projects.
We serve a creative God, and I believe that He is pleased, honored, and gratified when we act in His image and create. May you be blessed in your creativity this week!
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Terri says
You have such a wonderful heart and are so much a blessing to me with your trust in God to be vulnerable in sharing your life with us. Congratulations on your new son. May the Lord bless you and your family.
Rachel Lohman says
I never finished college but had 3 beautiful successful and faith filled children. I always wanted to teach and have satisfied teaching my children about God and later teaching Sunday school classes. I also always wanted to learn how to weave and have been fulfilled knitting and crocheting thru the years until I took my first class in weaving at 66. I feel complete weaving whenever I can and feel content enjoying music and books on tape. I give away almost all my weaving except making colorful dish towels in the kitchen. May you find the joy in creating and taking pictures and creating food which I have enjoyed. Peace and Joy, Rachel
Faith says
This post resonated with me deeply. Thank you for being open and honest and sharing your heart.
I’m 10 years older than you with seven children. My youngest will be a year soon.
I’ve had many of these same thoughts over the course of my 16+ years of motherhood.
I’ve had many dreams. I excelled in school and felt I could accomplish many academic goals if I pursued them.
I had been a successful wedding and portrait photographer for 6 years before moving that dream to the back burner in order to homeschool my children.
A sudden and tragic change in life events caused me to temporarily return to college. I received 4.0 and was on the president’s list but I struggled being away from my kids and ultimately felt God leading me away from that.
Did I NEED the degree? No. I wanted so desperately to prove to myself and others that I was more than “just” a mom.
I felt a calling into women’s/children’s ministry at a young age and have always served in some capacity in children’s ministry throughout the course of 20+ years.
I felt as though that was just another dream stuffed away collecting cobwebs somewhere. Since I wasn’t fulfilling my vision of what that ministry should look like then it didn’t count. I felt like I was so full of potential to do “great” things the lure away from motherhood was tempting. It’s so easy to get swept away in the world’s mindset that women have to be more than “just” a wife or mom.
Yet, homemaking is an art form and motherhood (with the goal of raising our children to love God, know His Word and have a firm foundation on Jesus Christ) is building one of the greatest legacies through not only our children but generations to come. Few “careers” can boast that.
In different season of my motherhood journey I have needed to be reminded of that.
God reminded me that motherhood IS a ministry. It’s one of the greatest at that. I still enjoy photography and keep my skills fresh by doing shoots for close family and friends and our own family portraits. It’s not a lost dream; just one on hold. When my children are older there will be time to pursue that if God wills it.
When I get lost in the piles of diapers, numerous Cheerios on the floor, mountains of laundry, schedules full of sporting events, I take a moment to refocus and remember how significant the mundane is in the world of being Mom.
From what I have read in your posts you are doing a wonderful job! Definitely take time for yourself and enjoy that time of refreshment.
I found this post very encouraging.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you so much for sharing that, Faith! It was encouraging hearing your experience and perspective.
Alex says
Briana, I am a little late to the party responding on this post but everything you stated resonated with me intimately. I am also 25 and a mother of a rambunctious 8 month old girl. Our life paths have been very different – I am currently in college trying to desperately finish a PhD that I started before becoming a mother. Every day I have the same thoughts of if I am doing enough for my little girl/why am I in school because I just want to be a mom. While our experiences I feel are a bit of the exact opposite I think our feelings of inadequacy/longing to be another type of person are very similar. We are also far away from family which makes motherhood a significant challenge. While I don’t have any advice per say I do want to let you know that your feelings are alone and I am another mom out here trying to find her way. I don’t know if you will ever see this but thank you for this post. It helped me feel not so alone in my journey🥰 much love from your sister in God and motherhood!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thanks so much for your comment, Alex! Blessings to you on your journey. <3
Kitty Pentecost says
As I approached the marriage and exit of my last two children, I began to pray to “remember.” So many things got put on the back burner with the birth of each baby or during their growing up and homeschooling. With God’s help, I did remember. I learned to play the mountain dulcimer and played in a dulcimer group. I found classical music (my favorite) tabbed for mountain dulcimer and a teacher to help me with it. I researched dog breeds and purchased a Border Collie as the last child left home. I showed him to Grand Champion, trained him for therapy and he has done thousands of hours in nursing homes and with handicapped children and I have competed with him in Rally Obedience trials. I still pray to remember so I don’t miss anything.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
I love that idea, Kitty – trusting that God will bring the things to your remembrance that He wants you to work on!
Lucinda J. Kinsinger says
Yes you did share similar thoughts as me. So glad to be introduced to your blog! Your little girl is lovely.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thanks for stopping by!
Julia says
“Do not despise the day of small things.”
Linda Asmussen says
Surprisingly, my dream was always to be a mother.I’m told by others & my daughters i excelled at that lofty goal. I was always a creative child. I found as a young mother (two girls by age 21,) my creativity went into sewing clothes for my family of 4, ever making all the decorations for our Christmas tree & the girl’s Christmas gifts as were very low income. Sadly, being a perfectionist, I drove myself to stay up till 3:00 a.m. Don’t. As an empty-nester, I discovered watercolor & colored pencil painting, both of which I showed a natural aptitude. My point, dear Briana, is that your creative pursuits are there, but in different form & may morph again later. Currently, for health reasons, my creativity is only in the kitchen.. But I know God has His hand guiding my life. Sorry to be long winded in my post.
Andrea Maendel says
Having and/or hiring help is huge! Finding that balance of being refreshed inwardly to give quality care to your kids is key. Sometimes that looks a lot like what you suggested, and sometimes it’s as simple as a dentist appointment by yourself. The mental break is often just as refreshing as a physical one.
For me, I’ve found is VERY important to keep learning and growing as a person during this season of motherhood. If all my days, week after week consist of diapers, cooking and housecleaning, I get very restless and unhappy. Keep your mind sharp with good books, a work-at-your-own-pace e-course on something you want to learn, and inspiring and stimulating podcasts (I find wireless earbuds a HUGE win in this season – I just put one in and can listen to stuff with my children around and not add to the noise. Raycon brand is my favourite.)
Also, I’ve also learned to ditch the guilt over perfect-looking quiet times, rest times, away times, etc. Sometimes naps are needed more. Sometimes complete quiet and a mug of something hot and yummy. Find what works for you and fills you up! And remember, it is a SEASON!! I am just coming out of it in many ways after 9 years of little ones and nursing and pregnancy and short nights. I’m honestly finding myself a bit lost now that my kids are getting more independent. It’s not a bad thing, just a season adjustment. It’s always going to be shifting and changing slightly, so having our root and anchor in the fact that in God is our ultimate filling and refreshing is key to remember!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Always good to hear from you, Andrea! Thanks so much for taking time to comment. “The mental break is often just as refreshing as a physical one.” Totally agree. And I can completely AMEN what you said about staying sharp and learning. Honestly, I really look forward to the days when my children are in high school because I think it will be so much fun to learn alongside them. But books and podcasts are great tools for now, and thank you for the earbud suggestion. I’m listening to a lot of audiobooks right now, but I like to be pretty careful with what I play around my daughter.
Amy Lou says
Oh my goodness I love this. I’m 49 with a 20 year old, 15 yr old, and a 9 year old. All 5 &1/2 years a part. Wasn’t our plan. I still carve out time in my day to sit by 1:00. Almost like they still nap. But they don’t. I need “me” time to refresh my brain & recharge for whatever is needed. When they were little, I laid them down, see the timer for 15 min, picked up and cleaned up & ordered the house in the best way I could (OCD tendencies and a need for control) and then I rested. And rested and rested. I also utilized trusted sitters & escaped some evenings to be uninterrupted! I still am home with them. I work part time cleaning.
Marianne says
Briana, you are doing FANTASTIC. You are open and honest, which is so lacking in social media. So , thank you for risking your heart.
Being a mom is a trade-off, a little bit of this for alot of that, almost a Catch-22 if you will. Looking back, i lost myself in my identity as a mom. I neglected myself & relationships, especially my relationship with God. It cost me dearly. It’s really true what the airlines say, put your oxygen mask on FIRST, then put your on your child’s oxygen mask. Otherwise, you pass out and can’t help your child. So, keep dreaming. Keep expressing your God-given talents because we need you. We need your light, so shine on Briana.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thanks for that, Marianne. Love the oxygen mask example. I’m sure that takes different forms in all the different stages of motherhood and life, but it IS essential!
Hannah says
Hey! If I lived closer I’d gladly babysit your little cutie!🙃 I feel ya in this post… 2 months in to mothering my son and yeah… I totally get it… my pre-motherhood dream was to be a midwife… I was actually gonna travel overseas to the Philippines to train… did a lot of preliminary reading and preparing… but it never worked out… not sure that it ever will now… but I’ve come to peace with that… maybe that’s just not what I’m supposed to do. Other than that… I do love to write, sew, and crochet… I get to do precious little of any of those now 🤣 but I squeeze in what I can when I can… thank you for your post… helps me know I’m not the only one who feels like I’m completely consumed with being a Mom🙃
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Hi Hannah! Good to hear from you. That’s probably been the most encouraging thing to me reading the comments left on this post: I am not the only one!
Kristina Chatfield says
I have 5 children and stayed home with them for over 20 years. My older three are launched, with two married (and one of those with our first grandchild). #4 is headed off to college in a few weeks, and my youngest just has two more years of high school. I homeschooled them until they all headed off to high school. I recently went back to work and am basically launching a 2nd career. So it’s never too late to pursue those things. As a young mother of a baby, I tried to find other young mothers with babies to socialize with. I know you said you were looking for a reliable babysitter that you can trust, but your church community is far away. Another resource might be a local college, or high school students that are the children of your husband’s medical colleagues. You could try someone out as a mother’s helper – having them come over and watch Hadassah while you do things around the house so you can get a feel for how they are with her and whether you would be comfortable leaving her with them. It’s hard – leaving them with anyone! She is such a cutie!!
Emily says
I happen to be a business owner & more recently a mom. I find so much fulfillment and life from work. I also love my son so very deeply! It’s a tension we’ve chosen for our family.
Through deep PPD, work has given me a place to “escape” (for lack of a better word), to give me space to separate myself from the anxiety, depression & deep pain.
My husband has been so supportive & encouraging. He believes strongly in my need to bless others in the business world. I feel it is my calling as well.
Our son is thriving & we’ve gained additional family through our babysitters. We all love them so much and are so privileged to know them. They care for and love our son like their own and he has experiences we as parents couldn’t provide (we live in town, babysitters live on a farm).
It hasn’t been easy! There are sacrifices we make that few understand and that’s okay. Everyone makes sacrifices no matter there spot in life. This choice has often been misunderstood.
Ultimately… each family must choose for themselves how to handle this tension. No matter if a mom works full time, part time, stays home, does mlm or anything else, she needs to be fulfilled where she is and in what she’s doing. That will look differently for every family. What we’ve chosen for our family will not be right for everyone & I will cheer on every mom in whatever they and their husband have decided is right for them!
P.S. because of being a working mom I’m particularly passionate about connecting with other working moms. If that’s you I’d love to chat❤
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thanks for that, Emily! I enjoyed checking out your website and looking at your graphic design work. I may have to get in touch sometime!
Kate says
I love your comments,all of them) and I too yearn for God and His will to be done through my life. I have been called to medicine as a PA and to motherhood as well and wrestle with the same questions. It’s a different journey for each mother but I do believe that when you tap into special gifts you’ve been given that God looks upon it with pleasure.
Blessings to you on your journey, I hope you continue to embrace those honest looks at yourself and who you are to God and to your family and to yourself!
Dyan Croushore says
As a 45 year old mom of many, I can look back and understand how you feel. It can be isolating even in the best of circumstances, and you’ve moved so far from family and Covid induced isolation compounds it all. The first few years of marriage are a huge adjustment, and now you’ve got this beautiful little one to juggle as well. The one thing I’d advise is to try as hard as you can to be a part of community. You need support as a young mom. Days are long when it’s just you and the baby. When you have your second or third child, you’ll have fallen into more of a confident rhythm, and things will be easier believe it or not. It’s hard when it’s just you both one on one. Try to find older godly women who’ve walked your road and who can encourage you face to face. Having that contact and wisdom is vital. Join a MOPS (mother’s of preschoolers) group or take the baby and visit nursing homes, you just might find a jem of a grandma whose heart needs refreshing as well! Take time for your marriage as well. Visit home and leave the baby with your family while you two take a few hours together or invite your sister, mom or a friend to come stay with you for a week and let her babysit if you feel comfortable. Do a marriage check up and make sure you are not neglecting each other. Make time for romance (I know! The struggle is real when you’re worn out). Be intentional in relating to your husband. Read to Hadassah. Study apologetics because you will need to teach her to defend the faith in this world we live in. The book Mama Bear Apologetics is amazing. Look up fun things to do with babies on the web, you’ll find lots of creative ideas. Help your little one be your shadow as you work. Include her in as much as you can. Talk and sing to her all day long. Get out of the house every day! Take her to the library for story time. Check out other churches that may have mom’s groups even if they are not your denomination. My point is, don’t isolate! You need contact ♥️
Gail says
Your post brought back memories of the baby days in my life. Yes, children do take lots of time and TLC that take away creative moments. I reared children for twenty seven years. During that time, I was an artist and did art / craft shows to make extra money. My mantra during those years was “one day, I’ll have totally empty days to pursue my goals and dreams.” When the last one left the nest at twenty-one, I still had decades left ahead of me. I’m seventy now – and still just as creative. I know God will show you how to work this out. How blessed you are to have a loving, understanding husband.
D. Person says
It is obvious that you love your daughter and your role as a wife and mother is foremost and there’s nothing wrong with wanting a little time for that creative side of you that is likely to burst if you don’t have it. I think it’s a great idea that you and your husband are working on finding just a day for you to get to some of these things that just plain NEED doing. (Who knew one baby could demand so much of our time and attention, right?)
I used to look forward to grocery shopping (and I don’t even like grocery shopping) because that was the evening my husband would stay home with the girls so I could go out by myself. We also, after we found that trustworthy babysitter, had a “date-night” once a month that we looked forward to.
As usual, as you put the Lord first in your life, everything else falls into place. No, not without effort, but you know what I mean. So here’s wishing you all of the very best as you try to balance your activities and find satisfaction in all areas of your life.
Liz Martin says
As this is late, you can tell I don’t manage everything perfectly, but one thing I can tell you is that if you hold your dreams in an open hand, instead of clutching them closely, they will go along with you even if they change their shape along the way. I had five children in seven years, and my dreams of writing and ‘doing something’ took the detour. In October they will all be teenagers – and I have done a little writing along the way. But I have also had to accept the fact that I will never be a Brianna Burkholder, much less a Madeline L’Engle!
But it truly doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. If I was doing it for myself, why does it need to be published? And if it was for others, than doing my best for the ‘others’ in my family may have as much value. Keep your dreams in an opened hand for God to shape and you can be twenty years down the road – okay with the shape they have taken. God’s blessings as you find your way!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
“Bbut one thing I can tell you is that if you hold your dreams in an open hand, instead of clutching them closely, they will go along with you even if they change their shape along the way.” Mmm…I really like that.
Katie Lundquist says
In reading your post, I couldn’t help feeling as though I was looking in a mirror. While I am a little older and I did go to college, life and motherhood has placed many dreams and ambitions I had on the back burner.
I initially majored in music, but discovered after the fact that my real love is for words. I always wanted to be a novelist, but never had the courage to even try. I finally sat my rear down and wrote out the first draft to a story floating around in my head, but the birth of my son brought everything to a halt.
Now I’m not complaining, and I love this little boy to pieces. My husband and I prayed for seven years for a child and God was gracious to answer us. AND I consider myself blessed indeed to be able to stay at home with him and get by on just my husband’s income. But oh, how my heart aches at times with the need for creative pursuits which don’t happen as often anymore!
There’s so much more I could say, but mostly I know precisely where you are coming from.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Ah yes – and if you’re like me, you find yourself a bit guilty that you’re wishing for more when you’ve been so blessed with the gift of motherhood. Patience, patience, patience, and just do the next right thing. That’s what I keep reminding myself!
Michelle says
When I was a girl, I wanted to be a cloistered nun like my mom’s cousin Bernadette. To me, she literally glowed! Aside from that, it was always a mom. Playing with dolls and “house” was my favorite and I was always making little forts and nesting places. As a teen and young mom, it was a nurse. Although I’d passed the entry exam, I was unable to enter due to day care issues for my two littles. Soon after, my dream of SAHM was fulfilled! All my dreams would now be fulfilled! Uh…maybe not?
I wish I could say it was, but there were many periods of disillusionment. For starters, there was no acknowledgement (worldly, I see now) of my work, no perks or bonuses, and at the end of the day, the work was never done! I struggled with a lot of the symptoms of OCPD, which caused a lot of extra stress. (thank you for sharing that) Expectations for myself and others was way too high. Thanks be to God, I had a dear friend (a treasure), who was willing to tell me the truth when I needed it. She was instrumental to my growth and development as a wife and mother, and I think it’s imperative for all moms to have this, God willing. I’ll quickly share some advice from her that changed my course. “If you’re yelling at your kids, you’re doing too much.” And “If you have more to do than is possible in a day, choose that one thing which is stressing you the most.”
Although I’m very easily distracted, I keep coming back to “See ye first… and all else will be given to you…” As it turns out, I live on “Abbey” Drive and like the nuns, I’m called to a life of prayer and sacrifice. I am a mom of many, who continue to bless me and the world, every day, with their wisdom and wonder. And lastly, yesterday when I went to the pharmacy to stock up on Band-Aids and other first-aid supplies, the cashier asked me if I was a school nurse. He said that the zip bags baffled him (which one of these don’t belong! Ha-ha), but he just assumed I would be making ice packs. 😂
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
High expectations – I can totally relate!! Thank you for sharing all of that, from your aspiration of being a nun, to the good advice, to your fulfillment of the dream of being a nurse. 😉
Sara says
Briana, you certainly have a beautiful way with words. I love how real and bold you are as you share.
My dream was to be able to do ministry along side my husband, it still sort of worked after my first child but not so much after our son was born. We ended up taking a break and during this time found out our little boy had Autism, it was a hard reality to face but validating at the same time, because at the age of 3 he was as busy as a young toddler without the understanding of danger, he cried a lot and slept very little. I still don’t know how I made it through that sometimes.
This little boy is now 6 and I’m beginning to catch glimpses of those dreams I had, and I’ve found God to be so faithful, it’s been painful to lay down my own dreams at times, but I’ve found such peace and assurance in asking God over and over again to show me His dream for my life it has helped so much!
All that to say, I can relate to your struggles, and motherhood is a full time job in and of itself, beautiful, rewarding but exhausting and the laundry piles don’t end lol.
Blessings on your journey. ❤
Shawna Miller says
Dear sister! Don’t be discouraged about what you’re *not* doing during this season. Remember that toddlerhood is only a season (and such a short one, at that!).
You probably already have been told a million times how quickly this season will pass — and it’s true! My children are preteen and teen now. While I haven’t forgotten how exhausting those baby days were, there were many benefits. For one, a baby’s problems are much less complicated to solve. 🙂
Love your little one. Take moments to refresh yourself … and don’t feel guilty for needing them. But don’t grow anxious over what you aren’t doing. The time will come again for you to do those things as freely as you like. (But when it does, your halls may be silent, your laundry all done, and your kitchen as messy with experimentation as you like, with no sleeping baby/child/teen to worry about disturbing. It is a trade-off.) Embrace this season and all its blessings. <3
Crissyanna says
I dreamed of double majoring in history and library science, getting a masters in Historical preservation and someday curating at the Smithsonian. My parents had other ideas. I still didn’t major in what they wanted me to… But I ended up teaching. Married a guy I met in college and now not even in my career field. I did blog for a while. Until I became pregnant with our third daughter. I’ve always wanted to write professionally too. I may someday do that.
Now we live on 4 acres. Neither of us are working in our career fields. We homeschool the girls, are caregivers to my MIL and I own my own coaching business. And I’m a wannabe homesteader.
What will we be doing in 5 years? Who knows. But we’re open to the possibilities of wherever the Lord leads. You never know. But I have learned with with all the twists and turns we’ve been on, it’s all prepared us for now and what will be.
Sl says
Look into Mothers Day Out programs at church. It was a life saver for me. Everybody needs came time. I also had a teenage babysitter I trusted. You ate a great mother. Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself.
Paula says
I’m impressed by the thoughts you pennned while being a busy mom. That is a gift in and of itself. That would have been impossible for me. Maybe when my head hits the pillow I had a few thoughts. Now watching my boys raise their kids is a great joy that I can treasure. Enjoy every part of your journey it’s so different for each of us. Enjoy!
Damaris says
Hi Briana,
I’m giving a bit of history here, but it’s because you don’t know me. I hope it helps in some way. It’s part of my testimony.
I’m a mom of three. My oldest is a senior in High School this year, he’s 17, my daughter is 14 1/2, my youngest is 11. I got married “late” in life at 28 and am currently 46. I did attend college right out of High School and graduated with a Bachelor’s of Education degree in vocal music k-12. The way my life journey has played out has been both blessings and trials, like most people. Mostly blessings. I didn’t get a job after graduating in teaching. I am poor at piano playing, and found out the hard way most school districts want a piano player and a choral instructor. So, my degree was put on the shelf as I went to work to pay student loans. I worked in retail as a floor associate, supervisor, customer service supervisor, administrative assistant and eventually top of the pay scale and was told I wouldn’t get any more than $9/hour. So I worked a second job at a fast food place while staying at my other job. I was working from 7am to 1pm at my fast food job, and from 1:30-9pm at the retail job. Literally almost every day. It got the bills paid, but my social life was zero. I also had to work weekends. I did get every Monday off, so that ended up being my day of rest and devotional day. I did sign up at the local community college for voice lessons to stay in shape vocally, those classes were an hour a week on Monday’s. The other days I did have off I substitute taught at the local schools. Three districts all 20 miles from each other. My friends were all busy too. I lived in a larger city.
Sometimes, life doesn’t start out how we planned it, but it’s God’s plan that we are looking for anyway. In His time. I learned how to be a blessing to others through my retail experiences. I often felt I didn’t spend enough time in my devotions, or guilty for not going to church weekly. I learned that my Mondays were with the Lord, and that He is with me every day, not just one I set aside for Him and rest. I can have devotional time with Him every day, any time of day. He is with me while I work, rest or play. I learned prayer is conversation with Him. He hears, and answers when asked and talked to. He was with me when I was lonely, and alone. He saw the hurts and broken dreams of being a teacher. He told me singing in a choir group was not necessary to be worthwhile. I had sung in so many chamber groups and choirs that I was worn out even though I loved them while I was doing the singing. The songs were all worship songs and I was praising the Lord, but worn out. My time of working retail was my “rest” from college and choral groups. I worked for a good six years, doing retail, substitute teaching to keep my license current, and the fast food place. I asked the Lord why I was doing all of it. His answer was “Experience.”
On an evening off I remember sitting on my bedroom floor, reading the Bible, and hearing a voice. It wasn’t audible, I had heard that before,(another story) but this voice was “in my ear”. I recognized it as the Holy Spirit/Jesus. He said, “What do you want from life?” I was kind of in a dead end. I was looking at another year of college to be an elementary teacher, or just pay off my student loans by working. I didn’t know what I wanted from life. I thought this sounded like what happened to Solomon as a boy/king. So I asked for wisdom. Since that’s what Solomon asked for. The voice told me that’s what Solomon asked for, and it asked again what do I want from life. I again asked for wisdom, but also to be a wife and a mother. That I wanted three kids, a boy, a girl and the third to be a surprise. A handyman as a husband who could fix anything, and be strong and full of the Lord. I wanted to sing in a professional choir, to be a teacher of young children and to know my kids love the Lord. To be ok in finances, not too rich to be snobby, not too poor to be begging, but just right. The voice was silent. Then I heard…”Ok…and then I’ll come.”
The next few months an old room-mate from college called asking me to go to a Christian single’s retreat. She needed a singer for a duet and knew I was supposed to sing with her. I’d be given a discounted rate and she gave me the dates. It was in the winter and I didn’t want to go. I was miffed that she had called me at work, and that the line was supposed to be open for business calls only. I was being torn away from a work assignment and wouldn’t get the weekend off except if God intervened. I remember saying ok, thinking I could say no if I didn’t get the weekend off. I hung up muttering…”God…if this is how things will happen, he (future husband) better fall in love with me while I’m singing.” I asked for the days off, and guess what! I got them off!!! It was three months until the retreat. Time to learn the duet, and prepare.
I sang the duet, and there was a guy crying in the audience. I wondered who is he, and why is he crying? I had forgotten my statement of falling in love while singing…Later that evening he introduced himself and asked me if I’d like some hot cocoa. I agreed, and he told me about his life, and about his grandmother. I had wondered why so much about his grandma, but he was sweet, and kind. He is a farmer, a handyman, strong and full of the Lord. We exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers. He lived two hours away, and I thought I’d probably never see him again after the retreat.
Well, we e-mailed, in the evenings after work, and talked on the phone once in a while. He came out to visit on my days off. We were dating without “dating”. We met in Jan. of ’03 and were wed in August of ’03. I quit my jobs and went to live on the farm. He paid my student loans off. I only had about 5 grand left. I enjoyed gardening, sewing, and housekeeping. I didn’t miss work at the stores at all. I could do it, but didn’t love it. It was then that the Lord reminded me of my statement of “he better fall in love with me while I’m singing.” This brought memories of the retreat. I asked my husband if he remembered why he was crying the day of the retreat. He said, “yes, I had just lost a dear friend to an airplane crash a few months before. I needed to know he was ok, and with the Lord. I heard the Lord tell me he’s ok, and with me. through that experience, I knew the Lord’s voice. When I saw you singing, the Lord put you in a “spotlight” I only saw you, and He said, “This is the woman you will marry.” I was so blessed by the song, and who you were, the Lord’s voice and everything, I was brought to tears.”
I put the two together, and realized my husband fell in love with me while I was singing. God is So good! The rest of the story, almost 18 years later….I have my boy, girl and surprise another boy. I homeschooled a couple of years, I was able to sing in a professional community choir, I taught at a church day-care, toddlers and pre-school. I know my kids love the Lord. Finances are good, we are farmers with good years and bad years depending on the crops and pricing. We have been blessed to pull through each year, paying into the future years with savings. Things have been good. I’ve learned how to be a wife, and mom, teach, among other things. I’m waiting for the “Then I’ll come” part. The world has been crazy the last few years.
Advice would be to keep the kids with you in whatever you do. Dishes, cooking, canning, gardening, sewing, cleaning, coloring, reading, mowing, playing. They learn more from what you do with them, than for them. They remember how “mom” did it and repeat it. They can wipe dishes, chop veggies, peel veggies, dust, etc. They want your presence not your presents. Talking/teaching and doing go together. Relish each moment. Pray, sing and laugh together. Keep your relationship with the Lord strong. He is often the only one we can count on. Jesus is our future spouse, as we are the bride of Christ. God is our everything. Our earthly spouses are human, mean well, but are fallible. Take God with you too. He sees and hears everything and is so pleased by our want to serve Him. Enjoy your blessings and the time you have to read, study, write and serve your little family, as well as those in the community He has placed you. Energy comes with time away with the Lord, as well as taking everything to the Lord in prayer. His peace… It (chores) will get done. Also…something I’ll never forget. My husband gave me this gem. A house that looks lived in is lived in. A sterile home is cold and awkward. Keep the cleaning for company visits, but not so much that is isn’t sustainable. People come to see you, not your home. If they are here to look at the home and not you, are they the right friends?
Time goes on and on with little ones, but fast as ever when they get into the teen years. Moms are needed even more in the teen years as the kids are figuring out life. Giving them the good base of trust with presence when they are young is more valuable than ever. It is then as pre-teens and teens that they share their hearts not just their attitudes.
Be blessed to be a blessing. Take care. Seasons come and go. Enjoy each season. I just heard a bunch of retiring grandmas talk about future plans no retiring, just re-firing. For the Lord.
Oh, turns out I’m small stature, like my husband’s grandma. That’s why my husband was telling me all about his grandma when we met. 5’1″. Don’t think of dreams as lost, but just future adventures awaiting to be achieved.
I was blessed by a MOPS group when my kids were young. Mothers of Preschoolers. Look to see if there are any by you. I was fulfilled by leading a steering team of MOPS also. Getting speakers, writing articles, planning events etc. Don’t be afraid to try new things. Being a talented woman comes by trial and error, and knowing who is good at things to ask help from. Many are more than pleased to help. The glory goes to God, not us. Many projects come and go. The more we do the better we get at projects. Eventually skills cross over into the other areas and we are good at almost anything we want to do.
Creatively I bake, cook, write songs, play guitar, draw, paint, sew, quilt, crochet, garden, keep chickens. In the past I’ve led Bible studies, Led worship, led MOPS, crafts at MOPS, homeschooled, Taught pre-school, menu planned/kept house. Currently I am keeping house/menu planning, attending 2 Bible studies, a prayer group, a house church as well as looking for a non-denominational church to attend in the Sunday mornings.
I was recently released from membership from a Lutheran church due to my beliefs on baptism being a believer’s baptism, not infant baptism. They didn’t like my theology or my teaching kids to believe in Jesus for salvation. He is the only way to Heaven. I didn’t grow up Lutheran, but my husband did. He has been taught by the Lord how scripture views baptism. I grew up under FCA (Fellowship of Christian Assemblies) Conservative Pentecostal. My husband and I are in agreement. I just wrote a commentary on the book of Concord (Lutheran theology book), and untangled the church’s control theology of the 1500’s to show where they are incorrect in their thinking. I attended a Bible college way back when and had taken a couple theology classes. Christian Missionary Alliance. (Crown) I knew I was up to the challenge when they asked me why I believed the way I did. So I told them by writing a commentary on their theological book of Concord. They believe everything is given in baptism as infants. I was challenged and the Lord helped me. I wasn’t going to give up even though their thinking/theology proved to be circular at times. Even if one person is saved through my commentary on Concord it was worth it. I’m asking the Lord to let the right people read it who need it. That was a challenge given by the Lord. I didn’t want that one, but it is done. It was how I spent some covid shut in time. I’m glad it’s done, both the lock down and my commentary. I commented on the Augsburg confession and the Smalcald articles. The catechism and other arguments were repetitious of these main two titles. The church history was evil in how they treated anyone against them. I’m glad it’s not allowed today. I’d be toast. Literally.
Currently I am between assignments. I am looking to the Lord as to what He wants me to do. I may just take the time to relax and go to my Bible Studies and such until He says differently. This summer I am enjoying the kids and having them all home a while before school starts. My youngest has swimming lessons and loving it. I’m also praying for government: local, state and national, family, friends, neighbors, and school. Intercession for others matters. God’s will not our will. There is so much to study when it comes to the Lord. We never will know it all. I’m still excited to learn more about Him. Fear of the Lord (Reverentially) is better than fear of man. We serve God, not man. God is the judge, not man. God is an awesome, terrifyingly Holy God. Yet approachable with boldness and love when we seek Him as His children. He loves us.
Word picture: Each day a stitch on a seam of our lives, endless as the length of fabric allowed. Some days/stitches have pearl beads strung on the thread in each stitch, some seed beads, different colors, some plain stitches without beads. Beginning of the seam to the end. If the beads are blessings to others and gems in our lives, how many beads/gems are on your seam/life? Be a blessing each day. Sometimes just listening is a bead/gem.
I found your site when looking for THM recipes. I recently purchased a THM book at a thrift store, and followed the eating plan. I lost a few pounds, but have regained it. I’m back to where I started. I need to buckle down and try again. I’d like to just cook all THM for the family, but my daughter has a severe tree nut allergy and is also allergic to coconut. She gets anaphylactic shock. My oldest son is allergic to flax too. He gets hives. So I’m just cooking THM for myself, and the family separately on most occasions. So often, I’d rather just eat their food too. That’s where I fell off plan. Sourdough is helping. With planning, and God’s help, I know I can do it. I can freeze portions and re-heat for myself as needed. It’s just taking the time to plan. I did just find a product called Carbquick. It’s like Bisquick, but with carbalose flour and oat fiber. It was at Wal-mart. I think it may work as baking blend for some things. An answer to prayer. No nuts and no flax. I am hoping the family likes it. THM says it is a personal choice as an S. I had my mom order your two cookbooks. I am enjoying them. They were a birthday gift about a year or so ago.
Have a great day. I apologize on length. I guess I am chatty today. p.s. Your daughter looks adorable. She reminds me of when my little girl was her age. Also…being a stay at home mom is one of the best occupations. Often time to reflect is needed, but part of being a mom is serving children and training them it’s ok to be less than perfect. Let them see us mess up. It keeps us humble. We do our best at what our hand finds to do, but it’s ok to try again and start over. They might ask themselves… What does mom do when she messes up? She cries a little, prays, listens to the Lord and starts again. I can do that too…& always remain teachable. I don’t think anyone knows what to do when they start being a mom. I know I had to, and do rely on the Lord. He helps all the time. I can’t be everywhere. He can. I ask Him to follow my kids and keep them safe. To remind them of right and wrong. To help them make good choices and to be kind.
I hope this was encouraging for you. Hang in there, and know things will happen in the Lord’s time.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you for taking the time to write that, Damaris! It was good to hear your story and the way God has led you through it all. May God bless you as you continue to walk with Him!
Trixie says
What a blessing your words are to me. I used to have a good career in the Accounting field, working long days and still doing so much after a long day at work. As a result of an accident years ago there is no way I can go like that anymore. To do a little work at one of our rental houses, grocery shopping, pick up the house and make dinner is taxing. Not being able to do all I did before sends my self worth right out the window. Oh how much of my worth and value has been based on what I can accomplish instead of who I am in Christ.
Thank you for the good reminder that our lives are in God’s hands and we can rely on Him. And God is not looking to measure me by the volume of what I can do.
Heidi Stewart says
Thank you so much for writing this, Briana! My husband and I have been having similar talks. We’ve been married almost 9 months now and are looking forward to hopefully getting pregnant soon. But I have worried since before marriage about what marriage, pregnancy, and motherhood would do to the other dreams that God has given me. But I’m learning that, truly, He has an incredible way of fulfilling the desires He put in my heart (Psalm 37:4) in unexpected, better ways than I have imagined. It has still been hard to watch some dreams die, but He keeps on giving me new ones and putting me where I know I’m supposed to be. So thank you for this encouragement! I’m really looking forward to being a new mama (God willing) within the next year, and I’m so thankful for the thoughts you share through your blog. I have felt more than once that I’m on a very similar journey to you (just about a year or two behind :), and it’s blessed me to “watch” another woman going through that journey. Thank you for sharing as you can when Hadassah is napping! 🙂
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Aw, God bless you, Heidi! I wouldn’t trade motherhood for the world, despite its responsibilities. I can tell by your attitude that you are going to be a wonderful mother.
Jillian says
p.s. tape grocery bags over the open registers for now?
Jillian says
I am now 70. 😮 (How did that happen? I thought getting older would take longer!) But now I am able to look back over life. When I was young with two children I was convinced I should have a meaningful career. I have a degree in psychology. I was always trying to do a little practice. Now, when I look at those years I realize that being fortunate enough to be able to be home with them was an incredible gift and the best years of my life. Also the most fun. I worked in the classroom some. Holidays were fun. We did so many things that were fun. It’s true there was a little less time for reading and other things I like to do, but I found healthy cooking and baking very creative as well as loving home decorating. Now the kids are long gone and we are a little sad. Life is still good, but you know. I miss those years sometimes.
Susan says
I know the pain and grieving of losing a dream, several that did not get ‘revamped’. But God is faithful; even in the storms and deserts, even when the cattle stall is empty and there s no fruit on the vine.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
“Yet I will rejoice in the Lord. I will glory in the God of my salvation.”
Erica Kennedy says
Dear Brianna, As a 71 year old mother and grandmother, please, let me reassure you that your most enduring legacy will be the result of your motherhood. Lives matter. Invest in your children for their future IS your future. I doubt that my 20 year career in the insurance industry will be remembered AT ALL! But I am positive that my children, who are all saved Christians, and parents of more saved Christians, will be my legacy through more generations, barring the Lord’s soon return. He tells us to “fill the earth.” And so we should. We are also to share the Gospel, and while we do that we are making the Lord more important than ourselves. We may be remembered by at least the first generation of persons whom we lead to Him, but not by the next. Our remembrance is not so important as the EFFECT of our existence. If that effect is to increase the number of sheep in His pasture, that is the best thing we can do!
This does not negate the fulfilling aspect of other activity, only (I hope) help to put it into perspective. What you do by way of your writing, is helpful and entertaining to the rest of us, as well as rewarding to yourself, I hope. However, it is not as important! It can also be put on hold for awhile when necessary. Make time for it where you can, but don’t ever let it take the place of your motherhood!
Written with love,
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
“Our remembrance is not so important as the EFFECT of our existence. If that effect is to increase the number of sheep in His pasture, that is the best thing we can do!” YES. Well said.
Bonnie Mueck says
your circumstance is so common…you love your baby and being a mom ..you also love having some time to do what you love in addition to who you are as a new mom….teaching your little one will enable you to use your gifts and talents I am sure…I used mine when my two sons were growing up and really I didn’t really even realize that was what i was doing at the time….now I do the same as a grandmother…all the while incorporating memory making sensories…cooking cleaning caring nature walks crafting calling them to Jesus….makes me feel rich …I struggle with time issues still…making the most of the time we have with our family hubby included*….presenting ourselves to the Lord first….the rest becomes a natural outflow it seems…and you are a very successful business woman…and glorifying God all at the same time….thank you for sharing your talents…may you be greatly rewarded
Viola Sommers says
My humble thoughts…
A mother of 5
A young grandmother of 3
I was a mom at the age of 21, and I know the joys and challenges of young motherhood. I struggled through the years of having questions like, ‘Am I doing anything significant for my Lord?’ And the days that felt like years. God gave me encouragement and admonishing words from older moms, things like..pray for your children and husband as you fold their laundry, sing songs of worship while you are washing dishes or cleaning, spend time with your children, post Bible verses around the house to help keep your heart in worship to God, etc. I also came to realize one day that I can enjoy this stage of life or begrudge it and always long for ‘other’ things in my life.
Now I find myself as a young grandmother and our youngest child is 19… with a little more time to do some of those things I use to pine to do! And my thoughts at this stage are…
I wish I would have truly enjoyed young motherhood more! They are tough years in many ways, but they are a stage of life that God gives us and blesses!
I see how God guides us in each stage of our life, and only asks for us to trust him to be our everything. Every stage looks somewhat different for all of us, and I need to be content with and enjoy each stage with its changes.
I guess what I have been learning is that, God has a different and specific journey for each of us mammas, and I should extend encouragement and grace to all, as well as letting God be my constant in the challenges of my current stage! He doesn’t ask for perfection, just humility, trust and worship as HE leads us gently through every stage of life!
My encouragement to you is, God is able to guide you gently through this stage, continue to look to him for answers and trust His love and will for you is enough! Do what you can for your own dreams but hold these things lightly, because God has GREAT plans for each of us, and being where he wants us is the most fulfilling in life! Enjoy each evening or day that you can recharge your mama heart, and don’t feel guilty for those times! They will help you be a better mama!! Most of all…
God understands our struggles!! He cares about each detail of our lives, and He will never leave or forsake us!
Sorry, this comment is so long, I just remember the stage you are in, and wish to encourage you and any mama to remember that our children are our greatest ‘mission’ and it is a high calling to guide young hearts toward God!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you for the encouragement, Viola! I love what you said about holding onto our own dreams lightly. God might be asking us to give them to Him in exchange for something else.
Brandy Miller says
As a mother of five (two are grown and gone), you will never regret any exchange you make. To sacrifice is to be most like Christ. I have found that at the end of things, He gave me the desires of my heart in the midst of the mess. Be blessed!
Ann Smith says
Keep walking! You’re not at the end of your road yet. God has a reason for every change and shift in our lives— He took me from college / pre-med by the way——to career woman, to married, and then an injury that shut down “my career”——Then my husband and I found HIM!!! He gave us 12 children (31-13 now) and a LOT of lessons, some simple, some painfully hard. Some on-going. But Jesus is Immensely worth ever moment of it—. Love your family—see the sunsets and the flowers and the smiles. Wipe the tears—your own and others. He gives us Himself so we can be hands and feet and hearts for Him to others. We spent years alone, just occasionally (a couple times a year at best, several years apart at worst) without other anabaptist fellowship—now we have a church family again and are trying to learn how to walk with them. The only constant is God—-everything else can, will, and does change.
Blessings
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Hmm…sounds like a very interesting story. =) Love how your constant is God through it all. You’ve been through many intense seasons!
Karena says
Ah, Briana! You brought me back to the struggles of young motherhood. Yes, you nailed it in your expressive writing. I know you know that the time as a mother is the treasured time. The blessing of carrying a child within and being the most important person in a child’s life once born. The honors of motherhood go way beyond the honors of a college experience. (and many of those college students can’t wait to be in your shoes!)
You are right that you NEED the time to be able to be creative. It is soul-feeding to be creative. Even now your daughter can learn to wait and entertain herself while you do little things like make a meal, sew a skirt, or update your blog. The balance of mothering and creativity can happen and it will be good for her to lose herself in the comfort of getting into the flow of playing while you work beside her. Start with snippets of 2, 3, or 5 minutes of her playing while you work. When you have to stop you can jot down a note to self on where to jump in next time on that sewing or blog post. You might even tuck back special toys that she only gets when you creativity needs to express itself.
Back then I would savor my late nights to be creative, but now that I’m older that isn’t happening! Enjoy the energy of your young motherhood. Be sure that you are doing things in your “fringe” moments that feed your soul not things to impress others.
Once again, I completely understand. If anyone is hateful towards you over this blog post, then they aren’t very good at reading comprehension! :o)
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you for the encouragement, Karena!
Paula Sayre says
I have been there, done that—four times. I have a degree in Marriage and Family counseling from Liberty University, and am a licensed Registered Nurse. I consider myself mostly retired now, though, as I am doing neither counseling or nursing. I have a child who is almost 26, who has autism and moderate MR. I am always exploring ways that I can enjoy my interests of writing, gardening, homemaking…..although it is a full-time job keeping up with my child who lives with me at home. I lean hard on the Lord…..and I have learned to be happy and content in whatsoever state of chaos that I find myself! This particular child was a late-in-life surprise, and I am raising her alone….I don’t mean to complain, however! Your blog always encourages me and refreshes me as I remember my own young motherhood and the happy memories of a sweet little one. You are blessed with your beautiful family! I love happy family stories……..now, if I could just find the energy and motivation to stick to Trim Healthy Mama, lol.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Bless you, Paula! You might enjoy following Rohnda Monroy on Instagram, if you don’t already. She has an 18 year old son with autism and also has a career in photography. Here’s a link: https://www.instagram.com/beauty.in.the.real/
Paula Sayre says
Thanks you! I will look for her!
Tiffany Maple says
First of all you can do this with God’s Strength. I’ve been married 21 years, and in the first 6 we had 4 children and started a business, which my husband needed me to help in with the office stuff and answering the phone from home. Which is not easy with tiny children. Throw homeschooling into the mix and I was one overwhelmed mama, exhausted mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually starving. I definitely didn’t feel like I could possibly add any thing I might need or enjoy creatively into the mix. But a wiser women suggested I first make time for reading God’s word daily in the morning while breastfeeding, I went to a naturopath to help with the physical and mental side of me that had been neglected, and in time I made homemaking my hobby to bless my family. Gardening, sewing, canning, soap making, etc. whatever your dream or hobby may be, don’t pressure yourself to do it all at once, because you can’t and shouldn’t. It should be enjoyable. Don’t let resentment come about when you can’t do these things yet with a little one, just soak up being a mommy right now, your time will come to do other pursuits. When they are able always involve your children in your hobbies, they will learn so much from you, and those will be memories you will cherish. Before you know it they will move on to their dreams too, and you will have been a good example of balancing it in your life. I’m always reminded that we go through “seasons” in life so enjoy the one you’re in, it will always be changing. God Bless you, as you have been a blessing to others.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
“Whatever your dream or hobby may be, don’t pressure yourself to do it all at once, because you can’t and shouldn’t.” Yes! Great words!
Rachel Lohman says
I totally understand and will let you know the devil is always at work to make us think we are inadequate. Teaching Ephesians right now. I am 70, did not finish college due to arrival of children. I took classes but I too, always wanted to be a mother. I had the choice to attend college when they all left but found taking classes for my interests were much more beneficial. I still teach Sunday school and women’s Bible studies and this is my God given call. I took classes for weaving which I wanted to do since I was a little girl. I like working with fiber as I have knitted and crocheted since I was 7 years old. Don’t let the devil make you feel restless – put on the arm our of God! Great blog – enjoy life.
Jackie Janssens says
Beautiful post. You are correct that the little moments of holy are the lasting ones. Israel’s kings for the most part, if they had a faithful mother, the king was faithful. If not, the king was wicked. Jobs last for the moment. Raising your child lasts for eternity.
Maria Strange says
I love your words so much. Motherhood is my greatest gift. I have found ways over the years to include my children in what I love. Cooking let them cook, drawing, being outside swimming. I also think its great to find some time for yourself. I believe as we fill our spiritual, mental, and physical tanks we’ll be able to give more those we love. I also know God has a plan for each of us and he inspires us and will provide the way for us to accomplish the righteous desires of our hearts. Have a blessed day.
Maria
Eva Toews says
Briana,
This post could have been written by me! You put into words exactly how I have felt! Before I got married at 32, I taught school for 8 years in our church (Mennonite) school. I loved teaching with my whole heart and felt totally lost and useless after marrying and turning into a homemaker. What was I even supposed to do?! I was used to teaching 7th and 8th graders how to diagram sentences and extract the square root. Baking and cleaning all day? Hmmmmm. Then we had children. Everyone said I would be a great mother because I was a good teacher. I felt they were very wrong. I had no idea what to do with those 2 sweet girls! Then I had a crash of some sort. I was having migraines and felt awful most of the time. Prayer and research led me to Trim Healthy Mama (and, incidentally to you, Briana). After much bumbling with the plan, I’ve gotten it right, I’m feeling better than I have for year’s, my girls are 5&6, I’m teaching music at school, and I just got me coaching certificate with Trim Healthy Mama. Through some really tough days I can now see that God was keeping me. I’m loving what I’m doing now! Hang in there, better days are always coming! I love your writings!
-Eva
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you for sharing your story, Eva! I was reminded yet again while reading it of the way God plans such unexpected and beautiful and perfect solutions into our lives for each season.
Kay H Wells says
Brianna, please enjoy your time as a mother and wife. You get to see your baby girl do things that your husband may miss seeing. Babies grow up so fast, and you blink and they are off to college or the Marines. Been there. I have 2 sons and a daughter, and I was 38 years old when I started college, one class to see if I could do it. College wasn’t an option when I graduated high school. I attended college for 3 years, got my RN degree and was a NICU nurse for 20 years. I am 71 years old and I look back and the years when my children were little were my happiest. Oh I am happy now, remarried and now have 3 step daughters and a total of 11 grandchildren. I hope and pray you find the happy mix of motherhood and having your dreams come true. I have your cookbook, and enjoy your recipes. You have a talent, and your pictures of Hadassah are perfect. God bless your family.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Oh trust me, I do love being a wife and mother! Those are by far my most important – and favorite – jobs. I hope I made that clear!
Barbara Kidd says
Oh yes. Not a criticism but just advice from an old lady.😊.
Paula Sayre says
You did! Your joy always shines through!
Chris Cramer says
Yes, Brianna, it is clear that marriage and motherhood are your important loves! I deeply understand your competing thoughts with motherhood and self-care/me-time. I am not a gifted writer nor very creative, and I have always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and earth mother. Reality was that a two-income family was necessary, and I did not have family or a village to help me. I stayed at home for the first year after the birth of each of my sons, even though that was a big strain on our finances. My husband was very supportive, so I did not have guilt during those times. I did not have any family to help me after each of those major life changes (both my parents were deceased and I do not have a sister. My first son was very collicky most of his first 8 months, and I was severely sleep deprived…not at all what the fine “get ready for birth and after” books I had read told me. My second son was the “text book” baby and I had a BIG “oh that is what the books were talking about” moment. I started second guessing my stay-at-home decision after I went back into the workforce – very much kicking and screaming inside my head. I found other working women did not appreciate me taking time with my babies to nurse them full-time for each of their first year of life (actually, they were envious and really regretting their own choice). I was the first of my girlfriends to have a baby and kept nursing so they did not understand my situation at that time. Now my sons are grown (one married and the other single but just bought his first home) and they have told me they realize and appreciate the things I have done for them; that is a mother’s dream to hear! As the boys grew older, I did take some me-time to get involved in fun things and to have some much needed me and with other females time. I also came to realize that having a clean home is not the same as having it in perfect condition. I had toys strewn about, dishes rinsed and stacked, and dust protecting my furniture surfaces (wink) when the boys were toddlers and that was fine; toys were picked up if I knew someone was coming over or the boys were down for the night. I also spread that news to the other young mothers who were struggling with those issues. My house was a home that was lived in, played in, and had love in it! I used to dread hearing “give it time or they grow up so fast or it’s just a phase…” but those are all true, just not what I wanted to hear at the time I was overwhelmed and going through phases. Talking with other mothers did help me see the light and the lightbulb did go on over my head once I accepted “it is what it is” (another expression I detested). Brianna, you are doing all your “jobs” well, and thank you for the opportunity to express my thoughts!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
And thank you for sharing, Chris! It has been so fun to hear so many different perspectives.
Mary Ritter says
I am now at the other end of life, my children are raised, my grandchildren are growing, I am still working outside the home, and long for time to devote to creative projects. I hold tight to the promise that to everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven. Blessings on you and your family. I am glad you and your husband can talk and try to work out some ways to allow you to have some time to be renewed!
Sarah Burkholder says
Hi Briana,
I enjoyed reading your post! With four children and my 5th one on the way I can’t get too many other projects in edge wise either. I think it’s good for the well being of the brain to have a time when u can do some other projects of interest besides housewife/mother duties. It’s a challenge to me to make time for that, and I’m sure I don’t always like I should. Right now we’re getting ready to sell a batch of puppies-so that is something a little different and ’hobbyish’ for me…😊’
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
I have no doubt that each new child will bring with it a new season, and things will have to be reevaluated again and again! But that’s the beauty of life, isn’t it? Always learning, always growing.
Abigail says
As a first time mom with a 9½ month old babe, I can so deeply relate to everything you wrote here. I find myself vacillating between accepting and believing that this is my season of life and I shouldn’t even really try to pursue more than investing in mothering, wife-ing, and being a present friend and family member – and thinking I should also be doing something in addition; something creative or perhaps productive. I haven’t fully settled on one or the other. I think one week that all I do is the stay-at-home mom thing, and then perhaps another week I have a bit more time and energy to take on an additional project. My 21 year old brother recently married, and their days are full of work and play and socializing. It has really driven home to me how very different my life is now as a mother. Thanks for taking the time to write your thoughts and capture so well this new strange season of mothering!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Oh, everything you wrote is EXACTLY me right now! I almost felt guilty even writing this post, because surely motherhood should be the be all, end all? I think we’re both in that stage of new motherhood where we’re still making that transition from independence to responsibility for another human being, and questions are natural.
Carlyn Layton says
I’m homeschooling 4 kids now and that doesn’t leave time for much else other than running the household in this season of life. I’m fine with that. But when my oldest 2 were little and my husband was in residency I still wanted time to pursue some hobbies. I set up a whole room in our house that was completely safe for the kids. Then I sectioned it off with baby gates and set up a table for myself with sewing projects. That way I could be in the same room watching and interacting with my babies but at the same time be sewing and they were safe from scissors and needles, etc. Of course there were lots of interruptions, but I still got stuff accomplished and then during nap & bedtime, my projects were already out and ready to go.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
That is such a good idea, Carlyn! Thank you!
Barbara Kidd says
Oh Briana, Hadassah is so cute, I just want to squeeze her 😊. Would love to be her grandma and spoil her.
I know balancing your time is difficult right now. Take it one day at a time and if a project isn’t completed in a day it will be waiting for you tomorrow. Enjoy your precious little one and include her in your daily activities. You’ll be glad you did one day. Time will go by quickly. Love seeing the pictures.
Lisa B says
Hello Bri! How I remember that inner tension in my early years of motherhood. There were many tears! I embraced my calling of motherhood fully about 6 years later which also coincides with my return to biblical living and a sincere walk with God. It’s interesting to me as I read your blog in my season as an empty nester, I realized now that the children are growing their own families , I cannot find my way back to those dreams I laid down so long ago. I have felt very lost for the last couple years. I want to be a faithful steward of what He has given but don’t know how to get reacquainted with those creative desires & dreams. Do you, in your season have any suggestions for someone who’s forgotten who she is? 😌
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
That is a very good question – one that I feel completely ill equipped to answer! Definitely, prayer. It sounds like perhaps God is preparing you for something new and different. I was struck in reading several of these comments how God has a way of bringing things into our lives (in His time) that fit us just perfectly, but maybe they’re things we’ve never even considered! Perhaps you’re in a season of transition and waiting with something exciting right around the corner. 😉
Deanna Doctor says
I am living my dream: married 27 years to the man I fell in love with in college, mom of two adult daughters- one of whom just married a fantastic man 5 months ago so now we are in laws (it is so much fun! 😊), heavily involved in our church, and working as a biblical counselor in a not-for-profit counseling center!
I would love to go back to school and get my Masters in theology but we just finished helping our oldest pay for her Completed Masters and are currently helping our youngest finish up her college so I will wait a little bit longer before I get mine.
Wifing, motherhood, working outside the home, serving our church, and pursuing our couple dreams and individual dreams is a beautiful dance every day and God is always faithful to give us His strength to do it while also honing the dance!
Excited for you to be intentionally structuring your life to create and protect space for your creative pursuits (dreams). It is an act of worship and beautiful to our creative God!
Kathy Pearson says
A lovely post. You are obviously a wonderful mother and wife. Years from now you will look back and admire your ability to make a home and raise a daughter while being so creative at such a young age. 25 is the point in my life in which I wanted to learn one thing I could become really good at, so 30 or so years from then I would have something to enjoy when my children were grown. I took up knitting. Today (more than 30 years later) my 3 boys are grown, I see women my age who don’t have any hobby, they don’t even cook well, the just gave it all up to raise their kids for the most part because they didn’t have a husband to help them through the years. I am fortunate in that I have been married 38 years and while he is still a lot of work, I wouldn’t have my hobby and ability to bake which I love. I have both your books and I admired you at such a young age being able to accomplish so much.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
I like your idea of picking one thing to become good at. That is an admirable example of focus!
Yolanda Nazario Pagan says
Oh Dear Sister! You are blessed and highly favored to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. May you prioritize according to the will of the Father and to the building up of your husband, your daughter, and your home. These days though they may feel long, and overburdened at times, will be but a memory sooner than you realize. Write, file, and write some more. Take your pictures, create your recipes. Do you have to publish? Maybe not….now. Do what is necessary now. Take the next step in front of you, for God’s glory, and the building up of your husband, child, home. God will do what you can’t. Stay transparent, eyes fixed on the Author and Finisher of our Faith. Godspeed!
What were your dreams before you entered motherhood? – To be a teacher
How have you kept those alive, or revamped them? – I also didn’t go to College – but God has rekindled my love of reading and learning and has allowed me to share His Word with others after having much time on my hands recovering from a third cervical spine surgery in the midst of a pandemic.
What practical solutions have you found to both be present for your family but also not lose the talents God has given you? In God’s economy, nothing is ever wasted. One practical solution that I have found is very beneficial is the act of being intentional – in prayer, pursuit, and planning. In prayer as I make time to talk to God each day throughout the day, in pursuit as I look for God in reading His Word and in planning as I set out to do and accomplish tasks and goals throughout any given day, week, month.
What projects are you working on right now? Re-cultivating a prayer life, learning as much as I can in God’s Word and sharing it correctly, because as one of my Titus 2 Women told me, ‘that which is learned incorrectly, is taught incorrectly.” Baking, making, and taking. Baking healthier good food, making friends in the process of taking what I’ve baked to them. By God’s grace, For His glory.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
So many good thoughts in here that I pasted your comment into my journal. 🙂 Thank you. Blogging has become a sort of journaling for me as well – killing two birds with one stone? 😉 I want to be able to look back and remember these days and questions.
Jonty Dempsey says
Trust God’s perfect timing. After marriage and 2 children I tried to go back to school but soon knee it was interfering with my priorities as wife and Mother. I laid it all down and knee God would let me pursue my dreams in due season. Withdrew from nursing school, picked up the iron and ironing board and began ironing my husband’s shirts, made a pie, then took the kids to the park. 20 years later I started my career as a nurse in the school system with special needs children. He is always faithful!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Beautiful, beautiful story.
Kimberly Hughes says
Life is full of seasons! Embrace this season of motherhood—it will soon vanish! “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him, and He will do it.” Psalm 37:4,5
One day my little girl asked me what I had wanted to be when I was growing up. I replied, “a wife, mother, secretary/accountant, and teacher.” It was then I realized the Lord had given me the desires of my heart! I have now been married to the love of my life for 33 years, mother to 13 children, grandmother to 12 and counting, secretary/accountant for my self-employed husband’s businesses and home school teacher! The Lord’s way is perfect! It will be exciting to see how He gives you the desires of your heart as you keep Jesus first!
Kimberly Hughes says
PS….and life is not over yet! I am only 55! Lord willing, I have another 20-30 years to pursue dreams!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
I love that. He really does give us the desires of our hearts – if we open our eyes to see things as they truly are!
Gale Guldemond says
Hi I love the content of your writing. My name is Gale, I had 5 babies within about as many years, over the age of 30. Dreams what dreams! LOL. JK. My oldest is 9 and youngest is 2. Things are still busy but not baby busy, your life with these little people goes in phases. In 15 years it will be different. Make sure you get your sleep. Sleep when the baby does and hire a housekeeper if needed.
As far as dreaming is concerned it gets put on hold or develops differently than pre marriage. Make sure you check your thyroid and adrenal hormone levels often.
Love you, hangin there, God bless you!
Gale Gildemond
Julie R Klingforth says
Oh, Briana, the musings of motherhood are universal! God, indeed, gives us the desires of our hearts, but just not all at once, or sometimes not even the way we picture them. He is faithful, though, to give us the perfect times to use the gifts He’s given us. Some of those will be during naptimes and late bedtimes, and some will be trial and error throughout the years as our little ones grow.
I went to school to become an art teacher, but didn’t finish. When my kiddos were young and even after they were in school, I tried my hand at many creative things, such as with a friend’s floral design business. Eventually I ended up volunteering at our kids’ small Christian school, which gradually worked into becoming a part-time, paid teacher’s aide. It was during this period of time that older teachers, who I greatly admired, encouraged me to go back to school and become an elementary school teacher. It took me that long to discover that though God had gifted me in some creative areas, the main gift He gave me was to teach young children and to use my creativity there. I went back to school online at age 45 and graduated five years later, and eventually began teaching a variety of grades before God showed me my heart was in Kindergarten, first, and second grades.
That was quite a few years ago and I’m now retired, but I still tutor elementary aged children, and help with homeschooling our grandsons when they are in town. I know God will walk with you step by step, guiding you through a variety of ways, such as your husband and other valued people in your life, and you will be able to look back and see you never had anything to be concerned about! But for now, use the moments as they become available to use your creativity, but enjoy every moment with your precious family! God bless you, your husband, and your beautiful daughter!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
“God, indeed, gives us the desires of our hearts, but just not all at once, or sometimes not even the way we picture them.” – I love that.
Constance Scheel says
Briana, don’t give up those dreams you had before the birth of your baby. It sounds like you have a supportive husband, so take advantage of that and pursue those dreams, even if it is one night a week in the beginning. I gave up on my dreams because I didn’t have a supportive husband. I am 75 years old now and I regret giving up on myself. Please believe in yourself and pursue those dreams. Best of luck to you Briana.
Connie
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
I am very blessed. He doesn’t have tons of time to help out, but he is willing where he can. Bless you, Connie. It’s never too late!
Shawna says
I would like to encourage you (as someone who has 4 children, the youngest being almost 17 months and the oldest being almost 6), that this phase you are in right now with a young baby will end. You will adapt and find ways to pursue some of your creative dreams while raising a growing family. And some of them will need to be put on hold for a while. I try to remind myself that many of the women I admire who write books or do other creative endeavors did not do so until their children were older. That doesn’t mean they didn’t create or do any writing! But they used the time with young children to practice so that when they were out of the young children stage, they were even more ready than they would have been before! I could say a lot on the subject, but be assured, your gifts are now wasted. Elisabeth Eliot has a saying “every stage is a gift.” God has a purpose for this stage in your life, and he will use you in it for His glory. Raising up future daughters and sons for His kingdom is a very important task (as you know)! I hope you will pray often seeking wisdom about what to let go of temporarily and what to pursue. He will give you the wisdom you seek!
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Spot on. Thanks for that reminder.
Elaine says
Hi, Sweet Pies,
Proverbs 31:10 thru the end
A virtuous woman, who can find her? Her price is far above rubies…
Look at her schedule…she’s buying and selling fields and that is only the tip of her household iceberg. It’s astounding!
And she is empowered by the Lord so to do. No apologies, just being God’s woman.
It’s for all of us women warriors for God. We can never ask bigger than God can supply. NEVER. Lift your cup to Him and ask for continuous refills. He will not disappoint.
Your ponderings are a blessing.
Godspeed your beautiful journey!
Elaine
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
“Continuous refills.” THAT should be on a sign somewhere. 🙂
Chelly says
I don’t know that there are many mothers that have not been in this spot. Take comfort that your search is not the first. The questions your asking us and God…He has heard and answered before, and He will for you too. I’m sure you are committing it to Him and He will make your way straight. How sweet of your husband to see and care and try to help. My dream was/is to be a missionary in Africa. My second daughter (of five) tells me she gets me when I’m old because she will be in Africa! It took along time for me to feel like raising my girls to know and love the Lord was enough. I had high hopes of working in poor conditions really giving myself to God through service. (Please hear my heart. No pride in it) Hmm giving myself through service…like dirty diapers, vomit, “mommy mommy I need you NOW”, can I have (fill in the blank), read me a story, sorting out squabbles, etc…joyfully. My natives even wear loin clothes; everyone of them did with one still in them. My mission field is my home and Satan attacks it. My children are my natives. If I seek God He will direct me in raising Christian ladies. We impact our community with our lives. It is a big deal. God is using me in the best way…His. I’ll pray you find His answer for you.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
That IS comforting – to know that my questions aren’t the first. Thank you. I also had to really laugh at “my natives even wear loin cloths.”
ST says
Like this! It takes some planning to carve out time for creative endeavours however as a mother of 6 with a creative bent as well, I can say that my mental health is much better when I am intentional about giving myself time to exercise my gifts. My family is very supportive and that helps a lot.
I’ve recently been inspired by Jennifer L Scott’s you tube channel “The Daily Connoisseur”
https://youtube.com/user/TheDailyConnoisseur
https://youtu.be/mUpeqDvjzlQ
https://youtu.be/pEFRzxHevcI
Highly recommend these.
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you for the recommendations!
Cheryl says
All throughout life you have to keep making goals, dreaming, becoming. My husband retires in 2 months so we will be moving from North Carolina to Nebraska, home, where we lived all of our lives until he was relocated to the south for these 8 years. So it is a nerve wracking, overly busy time of packing and in 2 weeks putting our home on the market. We bought our next home 3 years ago, an 1890 victorian in need of major restoration and renovation. We need to set new goals in all areas of our lives.
My goals and dreams have changed drastically from my 20s. I’ve been wife for 43 years, mother for 42 years, grandmother for 11 years, business owner of 2 different businesses, college graduate with a degree I’ve never used. The last 8 years ive felt lost. I couldnt just exist to feed a husband and keep house while he worked way too many hours. I’ve found my best fulfillment here getting my certification as a master gardener. Gardening flowers and vegetables has been a part of my life since I was very young. Now I know more what I’m doing and have spent 8 years creating a very unique shade garden in our yard, a very peaceful place of textures and colors. I’ve shared plants and knowledge with hundreds of people.
I know it sounds trite, but treasure your time as a young mother. The dishes can wait, housework will wait…the hugs and cuddling, stories to read–those moments will never return. So many women my age long to ho back and hug those chubby little bodies once more, tuck them in at night just one more time.
Back to packing boxes and sorting and dreaming about the years to come
Karen B says
Being a mother of young children is a season. I stayed home with my children for many years until my husband lost his job and someone needed to work so I went back to work. My daughter stayed home until her girls were part way through high school. There were many times when I assured her that she would have lots of time for whatever she wanted to do. We had a good example, my mother did not graduate from college until she was 45. She had 20 years to do what she had dreamed of, teaching in elementary school. My daughter is now the mom of 21 and 19 year olds. She completed a degree in psychology over about 8 years when they started school. She also worked on a certificate to be a financial counselor. Her husband is in the military and has been assigned to a base in Germany (3rd assignment there). My daughter applied for a job on the base on her own without mentioning that they already had orders to go there. She just wanted to see if she could get the position on her own, which she did. She is 42 years old and like my mom has lots of time to pursue her dreams. And now my granddaughter is engaged and wants to stay home with her children too when the time comes. I don’t think our society is very good about lifting up women who are taking care of their families full time. There is nothing more important and rewarding then seeing your children grow up and lead happy giving lives.
Rebecca Roberts says
First of all, your recipes and general creative outlook on the “mundane ” dinner for the family situation has totally encouraged me to do better for me and my family! Second, I’m a mother to 3 daughter’s (14,13,10) I know all about putting aside personal ambition for the sake of family and God’s calling. I have not given up on my hopes and dreams, just made them different for my life and energy level, lol. Don’t stop being what you want. Kids don’t hinder you, they add to the joy when goals are met!. God bless you.
-Rebecca
Faith says
Beautiful post! I think my favorite part is “Perhaps my lofty goals and concrete ambitions should be exchanged for the simplicity of the holy. Those small moments of faithfulness will be the enduring legacy I leave behind, after all.”
I’ve alway believed that the most important “job” is rearing a child. Children are our legacy, yes! They are also our future … future doctors, teachers, leaders; and most important … future parents ❤️
Erika says
I completely feel these sentiments. I remember wanting to do everything- college, career, travel, write, join the circus! And now I’m just a Mom of 4. 4 perfect wonders from God. Sometimes I miss the dream of adventure- and sometimes I see it in the simple holy moments, like you said. Thanks for sharing.
Elissa Savov says
Hi Brianna!
Here is a link to my story. Don’t laugh at my blog! I started it when I did my first CD, but I do not enjoy blogging! 😉 Sometimes God replaces your big dreams, with even better dreams! Small to the world’s eye, but huge to His! I even got pregnant right away after I married and finished my last year of college, recitals and all, extremely sick. The world would definitely view my pregnancy as an unwelcome interruption to my prospects, but my daughter is hands down one of the best gifts from God ever. She brings me such incredible joy every day! I hope my story encourages you!
https://www.elissasavov.com/my-music-career/
Love,
Elissa Savov
Briana Thomas Burkholder says
Thank you for sharing that! I read it and plan on reading more as I have time!
Carolyn says
I think you are on the right track but it is important that you find some solutions that work you because, (surprise), it doesn’t get easier and every year will bring different challenges where you feel lost. I think tapping into your creativity is essential to well being and don’t ignore your physical well being as well… more walks, alone or with a stroller? Having a husband offer to give you one night a week is awesome. And yes, with no family close by, you need to find a person that you trust with your precious child and let them give you a morning or afternoon once or twice a week that is all for you. Maybe a trustworthy teenage girl or perhaps a lonely grandmother in your community? Or another mum that you can trade off with? But, for sure, once you conquer your feelings of needing more, you will find the solution but sadly, it will be important for you to remember that you managed to do it because a year or two from now, it will happen again and it means you have to strong, resilient and share your feelings with your husband so he can offer solutions and share some of the parenting to give you your break. And, am chuckling, because I never thought I would make it through the teenage years with my daughters but my solution was a gym membership where I could enjoy some aerobics classes and sweat so much, I didn’t have time to think about a lack of ‘me’ time. And then quilting became my passion and was a saving grace in my life.