Life in Togo: Culture

It has been equal parts fun, stretching, and informative to absorb a brand new culture. How quickly some things become normal – from doing a double take at seeing a woman in pants, to reminding my children in market, “Don’t point!” to making sure that I don’t give or accept something with my left hand.

Some things suddenly make sense: like why our friends from Benin back in the States didn’t help themselves when we invited them over for dessert one evening. 1) The host usually serves the guest, and 2) dessert isn’t really a thing here – although soda/pop most certainly is!

Here are some elements of Togolese culture that I find fascinating:

The greetings. Greeting people that you meet is a whole thing, even if you don’t know them from Adam. Going to people’s houses specifically just to greet them is also important. The society here is very hospitable. A typical exchange might be the following:

• (someone sticks their head in the door) Excusez! (excuse me!)
• (host) Bonne arrivée! (welcome! literally, good arrival)
• Bonjour (or bonsoir, if it’s after lunch), ça va? (hello, good day/good evening, how’s it going?)
• Ça va très bien! Et chez vous? Et la famille? Et les enfants?  Et le travail? Et la fatigue? Et le réveil? Et le week-end? (It’s going well! And with you? And your family? And your work? And your fatigue? And your waking up? And the week-end?) You wouldn’t typically use all of those at once, but it’s not uncommon to hear a string of 3 or 4 rapid-fire inquiries.
• An appropriate response to all of the above is Ça va! (literally, it goes!) You could also say Ça va très bien! (It’s going very well!) or Tout le monde va bien (everyone – literally “all the world” – is doing well) or Il s’est bien passé. (it went well – literally “it passed itself well”).

The encouragement. People here are generally very quick to acknowledge your work, render credit where credit is due, or cheer you on.

• When seeing someone working: Bon travail! (good work!)
• Upon hearing of someone’s return to health: Merci à Dieu! (thanks to God!)
• If you’re sick or facing something difficult: Courage! (you can probably figure that one out)

This spirit of encouragement also extends to language. People are quick to try to understand and help when you’re making an attempt at speaking their tongue. (Much more so than in France, I’ve been told!)

Quality time. As I said before, visiting and greeting people is a high priority here. Time spent together seems to be the universal love language, even if you’re just hanging out and not doing much. It’s a slower pace of life, and we spend hours with our friends outside, just digging in the dirt! (No need for fancy toys either – an old can and a stick are sufficient to fait la cuisine, and I told Ryan that when we get back to the States we’re going to have to go to a builders’ junkyard – is there is such a thing? – to get a bunch of broken cement blocks for the children to make houses with like they do here! I kind of chuckle when I see moms making “busy boxes” or sensory toys. Just let the kid play outside!)

Cleanliness. For as dirty as things get here, I have been amazed at how clean people keep themselves and their clothes – and how little water they require to do so. And their whites are far brighter than mine! Probably because they hand wash everything.

The names. Women typically go by their husband’s name or the name of their oldest (or favorite) child. In some ways I find this a little sad because a woman seems to lose part of her identity when she gets married. Instead of Briana, I would go by “Madame Ryan” or “Mama Hadassah.” (Or perhaps “Mama Rafi,” since everyone dotes on my little tow-headed 15 month old!) Madame or Mama are typical terms of address for a woman. One title that I do enjoy is “Aunt Briana,” which I am to all the MKs (missionary kids) here! It struck me as odd at the beginning that all adults on compound become either “Uncle” or “Aunt,” but really, what else would they call us? It solves the problem of how to address an older adult with whom you are quite familiar but still want to respect. “Mrs. Burkholder” just seems a bit stilted.

Loans and money management. I would not say that the culture here is lazy, as people are willing to work hard and provide for their families as they are able, but there is generally less drive to “make something of oneself” or to work harder than necessary. Again, these are all generalities that don’t apply in all cases, but people seem to be more content (or resigned) to where they are in life. This can be both a blessing and a curse. A break from 12-2pm is standard practice, and even the hospital clinic doesn’t operate during those hours. Teaching on money management is definitely needed, as most people live very hand-to-mouth. But part of that is just out of necessity because they have so little! Even the hospital staff who are making a “good wage” make as much in a month as most people in the States make in a few days. And food costs are not that much lower here in proportion. Loans among family and friends, or from one’s workplace, is part of how they get by. There’s definitely a communal element to existence here.

It’s hard to know what to do with the loan situation. We get many loan requests from work colleagues and house helpers, and we’re constantly trying to find the balance of serving with a generous heart but also not encouraging habits that will get our friends even deeper into financial trouble. It’s easy enough for us to hand out money, and as someone who enjoys giving gifts and doesn’t like to say no, that would be my default! But when doing so ends up promoting a lifestyle that’s not sustainable after we leave, is it really the right thing to do? I try to pad my house helper’s time sheet wherever I can, and we try to give opportunities for others to earn as well through running errands, giving haircuts, etc. Various employees at the hospital have side hustles making food items: yogurt, tortillas, etc., so we support them by buying their wares.

We give a lot of food; it’s often a very real need and I think we’re always called to feed the hungry. It can feel pretty discouraging knowing that no matter how many people we feed, there will always be so many more that are outside of our reach, or that the malnourished children happy for a sachet of peanut butter from Dr Ryan at the hospital will go back home to their same hungry situations. But maybe we can show the love of Jesus one helping of beans at a time.

Education is something that feels worthwhile to support as it enables people to better provide for themselves and their families. I don’t mind giving a gift instead of a loan for my house helper’s children’s schooling.

A cash society. Handling tangible money all the time (credit/debit cards are pretty useless here unless you’re in a supermarket or hotel in the big city) is a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it’s easier to envision how much something costs (although I admit, the CFA bills still kind of feel like play money to me, coming in so many colors and such large denominations). A curse because we’re always trying to break the 10,000 CFA bills we get from the ATM into smaller bills to use to pay market ladies and house helpers! I’m always running out of change! The boutiques in market usually have change for large bills, but the ladies outside selling lettuce and carrots are at a loss.

Recycling. And I don’t mean in big green trucks. (Trash collection is definitely not a thing here, and neither are trash cans. Stuff gets thrown on the ground and eventually raked up and burned if you’re lucky.) Everything is repurposed. Liter water bottles are precious and are used to sell everything from dish soap to vegetable oil. Old glass bottles are filled with gas for you to refill your moto at a roadside vendor. Clear plastic jars that used to hold chocolate milk mix now hold freshly-ground peanut butter. (You’d better hope the mill was cleaned after grinding dried piment or you’ll end up with spicy peanut butter!) My favorite? Ryan got me some delicious cashews at the gas station for my birthday…packed delicately into a recycled gin bottle!

HOUSE HELP

One very different aspect to my life here versus in the States is that I have a house helper that comes two mornings a week. When we first came and I realized that this was the expected norm among missionary families, my first thought was, “Isn’t that kind of colonial?” I was pretty uncomfortable with the idea, but I quickly found out that the system is a blessing – not only to me, but also to ladies who are glad to have a way to provide for their families.

So Madame F (I’ll leave their names out for privacy) comes on Monday and Friday mornings to help with cleaning and dishes, and Madame P comes on Wednesday mornings to take care of the children for 6 hours and give me some time to work on projects of my own, like computer work or sewing. (I also had weekly French lessons on Wednesday mornings but took a break for the summer.) I’ve been so thankful for the help, as things get so dirty so quickly here, and since we’re making everything from scratch there is an ever-present pile of dishes to be done. But I will admit, not having to have everyone up and dressed and combed and breakfasted and laundry started and toys tidied by 8am 3 mornings a week will be a nice change, and the introvert in me is always glad to have my house back to myself. Some people have house help far more than I do, but since I don’t have any responsibilities outside of taking care of my family right now, and since I enjoy cooking, this has been a good amount for us.

Other unique cultural practices:

• No PDA allowed between husband and wife in public, but men walk down the street holding hands.
• Women almost always wear long skirts, and most married women cover their heads.
• Take your shoes off when you go to someone’s house.
• Older children take care of younger children. (And I don’t necessarily mean teenagers, I mean whoever happens to be the next oldest sibling!)
• Everyone loves children. A white baby in market garners a lot of attention! And Ryan was quite the attraction when he carried Rafi in a carrier on his bike one day after we went on a date to the gas station! Carrying babies is women’s work!
• If there’s no meat, it’s not a meal.
• If you haven’t had pâté (a common starchy base made of corn), you haven’t eaten.

There are so many other things I could say, but I’m so used to them by now that they have ceased to be remarkable. If you have any questions, feel free to drop them in the comments and maybe I can address them in a later post!

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 If you missed it, check out the previous posts in this series about our life in Togo:

TOGO SERIES

• Life in Togo
• Life in Togo: the Basics
• Life in Togo: the Arrival
• Life in Togo: Culture
• Life in Togo: Climate & Cooking
• Life in Togo: Language & Church
• Life in Togo: Fabric (Pagne)
• A Week in Togo
• Life in Togo: Things I’ll Miss and Things I Won’t
• Life in Togo: Common Scenes