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Welcome to another excerpt from my journal…stream of consciousness style. Partly written with sharing in mind, but mostly written for my own future reference. You can find all such posts HERE.
May 6 – Saturday
These are the good old days.
It’s the first week of May, and we move the end of June. I’m trying to pack a little bit every day. I’m also trying to sew a little bit every day. Trying to keep the house clean and the children clean and make sure we have food to eat. Trying to reach out. Trying to get all of the pictures ordered that I’ve taken since Hadassah was born in August 2020. Trying to get outside now that the weather is finally nice.
And the children are growing up. After Noah was born, I went through what I would consider one of my harder seasons of life. Hadassah was just turning two and a complete handful, often mean to her little brother. Constant supervision was required, she didn’t play very well by herself, and I had a newborn who never got very good at sleeping.
But now, now I feel light. Life is full. Life is good. Life has always been good, but this good is easier. We go to the park and go for a walk, and Hadassah wants to walk. After last summer full of toddler tantrums and poopy britches and distracted detours, my walking buddy can now outpace me and actually stay on track most of the time. This blows my mind. Especially because I did not expect it to come so soon. As a 5-year-old yes, but as a 2-years-and-9-month-old? Definitely not. And the fact that she can do the huge slide at the park and climb climbing ropes and I don’t really have to worry about her that much? Maybe I can handle a few more children after all. Overall, I think mine are pretty exceptional.
A neighbor lady I was walking with yesterday asked me if we’re done (having children). I laughed and said, “NO! We would love to have more.” I love my children. Being a mother is hard, but it’s the most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I don’t know what I would do without them. I’ll be sad when the days of littles are behind me, even though I know that having older children will be so fun too. And I know that every time we add a baby to our family we will probably have a season of hard, and there will be other seasons of hard not having to do with children. Of that I am sure, because we are living life in a fallen world. I’m glad there are seasons of ease in between the hard – times to reflect on how truly good life is. To be quiet. To revel in the goodness of God. The spring weather makes it impossible for me to go outside without a huge smile on my face. Bare feet, friendly neighbors, green grass, fresh air, songbird Hadassah, Noah with his impish grin…. I am His, and my life is hid with Christ in God.
Yes, there are still hard times, and tantrums, and sleepless nights, and days when we don’t get anything done, and I worry about how everyone is going to fare with the move coming up, but that’s not what I’m writing about today. Today is for green grass and bare feet and walks with my two walking buddies.
It’s definitely not all roses. After writing that ^^ – voice texting it while walking – the toddler had a meltdown about wanting to play at the park again instead of getting in the car to go home.
Regarding Hard Things
My husband was just gone for 2 weeks on a medical mission trip to Togo, West Africa. Single parenting is hard. To those of you who do it regularly for whatever reason, bless you. I was more than ready for Ryan to come home, but that trip gave me the opportunity to enjoy a visit from my mother-in-law, two sisters-in-law, and my children’s two little cousins. They all so kindly drove down from Canada to spend a few days with us. I count myself very blessed that I have in-laws who will not only come visit me while my husband is gone, but with whom I can stay up until 11:00 every night and not run out of things to talk about.
And then I took the children to South Carolina to spend time with my family. 9.5 hours driving time turned into 12 hours both ways. Was it hard? Yes. Was it worth it? Also yes. I have great memories of that trip. It was so neat to point out all the nostalgic things that my dad pointed out to us on trips up and down Interstate 81 when I was a child. The gold dome in Charleston, West Virginia. The two tunnels. The hot air balloon water tower in Wytheville, Virginia. The Tennessee Welcome Center with its beautiful view of the mountains, log cabin buildings, rocking chairs, and music notes on the sidewalk. (That was where Hadassah was running around outside, told me she had to go potty, and then proceeded to have diarrhea on her little potty in our van. I was so proud of her for holding it. As a mother of a toddler, I find myself being grateful for the weirdest things.) And we had a great time with my family! Spent so much time outside, with the horses. Barefeet in the dirt. Saw and loved Twelfth Night (Shakespeare) with my sisters in a small performance hall at Bob Jones University, second row seats to an interactive stage. Got to see my children loving their grandparents. I have close relationships with my grandparents and I absolutely love seeing my children do the same.
After we got home: another hard thing. The van isn’t working, so we have to use the car. Two car seats in the back seat and one door doesn’t work. (I have a feeling that we’ll always be those people who own their house outright but drive old beaters. So what if you have to put the van in neutral periodically when the transmission slips?) But we have not one, but two, vehicles. And the van got us safely to and from South Carolina while my husband was out of the country. The first time I tried to turn it on after our trip, it wouldn’t start. Talk about the providence of God! He surely does take care of widows and orphans.
One other perk to your husband being gone for 2 weeks is that it feels like a honeymoon when he gets home! But better, because you know each other a lot better. He got home around 1:00 am Sunday morning, and when Noah joined us in our bed early in the morning and saw Daddy, he looked a little confused for a few seconds, then a huge grin slowly spread across his face. And I savored each and every moment of help that my husband gave – at meal times, taking the children out for a jog in the double stroller, giving me an evening off at the library, putting Hadassah to bed….
He had to leave again Thursday afternoon for a medical conference in Chicago, then drove from there to Nebraska to look for good neighborhoods to rent in. Did I love that he left again so soon after being gone? Definitely not. But it gave me the opportunity to spontaneously invite a lonely friend over for dinner without consulting my husband’s schedule…and take the children out to our favorite dairiette that just opened back up for the season…and stay up late getting some projects done that I was hoping to get to before we move.
“Hard is not the same thing as bad.” This concept has been growing in me ever since I heard Abby at M is for Mama talk about it. She has a book of this name coming out soon! Be sure to check out her first book and podcast.
What is the secret to contentment no matter the circumstances? Realizing that the chief end of man is “to glorify God, and to enjoy him forever.” (Westminster Shorter Catechism) If we realize that this life IS NOT ABOUT US and what we get out of it, circumstances don’t matter nearly as much. (See Paris Reidhead’s sermon “Ten Shekels and a Shirt” for a wonderful explanation of the glorification of God vs humanism.) God can be glorified just as well in the hard circumstances, and we often remember our own frailty in the hard better than we do in the easy. See Philippians 1 for an excellent example of seeing the good in the hard for the glorification of God.
Talk to Me!
Talk to me in the comments about some blessings in the hard that you’ve been experiencing. Tell me because we want to hear about them, and YOU will feel better for writing about them. 😉
Want to see more?
Oh how I loved this post. Especially the end, about it’s not about us. My husband, 2 children (14 & 6), and myself, moved to Georgia from California in late August. What a whirlwind it has been. There has been one problem after the other: 2 job losses, our one vehicle seriously broke down twice (head gasket blew then the whole rear assembly disintegrated two weeks after getting it back.) There has been so much testing BUT GOD! Let me tell you about what He’s been doing. I’ve prayed often for deep roots. I want that kind of faith where I don’t lose sight of the Lord during trouble. I prayed during this trip for a Christ following, Bible believing church family, and for mentors to put up with me while my character is transformed by the Holy Spirit. I want that kind of walk with the Lord where He just flows effortlessly from me: in my actions, my tone, my speech. You know those those people? Well, first, you don’t grow in trusting and following the Lord during the good times as much as you do when you’re in the trenches of life. He brought us to an amazing church with so many truly Christ following people! We have been blessed over and over in the last few months, since we left our home really in August. God has answered so many of my prayers. I’m learning through it all that it’s not about us, it’s all about Him and what an amazing God He is.
That’s wonderful to hear! So glad you have a great church family!
Omg😭😍 as an emotional 21-week pregnant wife and mama of my own little ten month old, I literally teared up when you mentioned Noah’s reaction to Daddy being in bed…such a heartwarming moment and I can totally relate! I have been following along with your blog for a couple years now from single hood to marriage and motherhood myself, and I look forward to each post! God bless you!❤️
Aw, thanks, Jenny! <3 Sounds like we're in a similar stage of life!
Welcome to Nebraska! I hope you love your new community. It’s kind of exciting having a THM celebrity in our state. Praying for safe travels with your move.
My pastor husband lost his job for choosing to preach the truth of Gods word vs man’s tradition. And he has not found another job yet.
The blessing has been enjoying having him home with us and all working his little side business of buying and selling.
And learning (again) to be faithful in the ordinary.
We don’t have any idea what our next steps will look like…. But we know God will direct us in His time.
Loved your post!!! Thank you for sharing.
Mmm…that’s hard. Bless you both for being faithful!
I so enjoy getting your email updates! I care for my 9 month old grandson full time (our first) while my daughter teaches 2nd grade. This has been my hard. Do I love it? Absolutely! Am I exhausted at the end of every day? Yes, I am. I’m nearly 50 and after decades of teaching in early childhood, you’d think caring for one infant would be easy. In some ways, yes, others, no. Case in point…I walked 1.5 miles to the YMCA to ask a question, rather than call, for something to do and so I could converse with another adult for a few minutes. The hard and holy work of mothering (or grandmothering) is a calling!
Bless you for being a part of your grandson’s life! If I had to work outside the home I would be ever so grateful if either of my children’s wonderful grandmas would be their caregivers!
We have very dear friends who are missionaries in Togo in Mango at the Hospital of Hope.
The husband is a surgeon. They have been home on furlough and my husband and I are driving them to NYC for their flights back at the end of June. They have 5 children.
They really love ministering to the Togolese people.
That is exactly where Ryan was – so neat! He loved his experience there and I’m sure he’d go back in a heartbeat.
I love your blog and hearing about your mama life! Life CAN be hard, but with God it’s worthwhile no matter what is thrown at you. We had to deal with 3 years of cancer with our 29 year old son, and God made himself real through every step. He is now free of cancer and he and his wife are adopting a new baby the end of this month. Words cannot even express how wonderful it is to make it through the hard with Jesus, and yet experience happiness, joy, and peace DESPITE the hardness. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Your children are adorable!!
Thanks for sharing that, Starla! I need perspectives like yours! You and your family have dealt with a hard that far outweighs any hard I have ever felt!
Thank you. I needed this gentle reminder this morning. Of course, it helps that the reminder was coupled with adorable pictures. I’m in a completely different season in my life: children are gone and lots of misused time on my hands. I need to confess my selfishness and remember why I’m still here.
Blessings from Nebraska
You have a very important role to fill somewhere – of that I am sure!
We’re with you in the hard right now, but we just talked the other night about how God is still good! And we want our focus to stay there! There’s always good even in the hard….and God continues to provide. Bless you for your good attitude!
My stepdaughter spent 2 years in Togo with the peace corp. She really loved it there and has friends there. She is now married and lives in VA. She has gone back over for a week or two several times. You just don’t hear about mission trips to Togo. I remember being a single mother, my kids were 6 ,8, and 10 and those were tough years but God saw me thru it all. They are now late 30’s and early 40″s. There are things I wish I had done differently but I can only move forward at this point.
Ryan really enjoyed his experience there. I wouldn’t be surprised if we all go back together at some point!
The Tennessee welcome center is a beautiful stopping place. And your words beautifully capture the seasons of motherhood.
I love hearing about the things God is teaching you in day to day life. God is so good! My girls are about your age but I well remember the days with little ones. Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever have but also can be the most rewarding. So hang in there and don’t give up.
Briana,
So glad things are getting easier for you!! Two kids can be a challenge-my kids are now 23 and 16 and there were days when, as much as I loved them I didn’t think I would make it through!! I love seeing your pictures and follow your life (I have both cookbooks too!). I wish you the very best-you are such a great momma and wife with all the hard work you do, never forget that!
Hugs,
Tina
Your children are stunningly beautiful! I’m so glad you can soak in this season! I remember it was after my 2nd that I realized I would want more children. I have 8😊
One thing I would like to pass on to you: I would really encourage you to continue to take very good care of your body. It looks a little different as we age. Good supplements, occasional blood work, and definitely extra sleep when we can sneak that in. I went through a breakdown at the age of 40 after my 7th was born. I was very depleted. Looking back, I wish I had known to take adrenal support and check my thyroid sooner. I also needed more sleep. By the grace of God, I knew how to care for my body when the 8th child was born 😊
Blessings in the hard? There’s a lot I could say, but I wanted to share that my dad passed from dementia last year. There were SO many blessings in the hard. It would take me awhile to write them all out. The biggest blessing was that his death was bitter sweet . He had suffered SO much, and I remember the overwhelming assurance and reminder of my own salvation. He was a believer, and there was joy in knowing that he went straight to heaven. Even more so, I spent many months after his passing just standing in awe of what Jesus did to save my soul.
Thanks for all that, Lisa! The advice and the encouragement. And wow – what a beautiful testimony of something so deep and precious coming out of something as “hard” as death.
My mommy days are passed and I am a grammy of young adults. But I enjoyed reading your post. I remember those days and I enjoyed every minute of mothering my children and now I adore my grandchildren, loving and spending time with them. My struggles are different these days, mostly with health. I have a genetic disease that is crippling and painful and sometimes depressing. But God is my strength and my portion and I will rejoice and be glad in Him.
Amen. Thank you, Susan. You have a very important role to play even now.
You are such a lovely young mom. Thank you for writing about your life and faith. I’m not a young mom anymore. My children are grown and have children themselves, but if I was a young mom, I would be so encouraged by what you write. Thank you for doing that and for your recipes. They are wonderful! I don’t know where you find the time, but it’s always a blessing to read what you have written. God bless you and your family.
Well, if you’ll notice, I hadn’t posted anything since…January? Haha…seasons come and seasons go! A lot of it has to do with how well Noah is sleeping and if I need naps during their naptimes or not. =D Expect a drought of posting for a few months after we move…
“hard is not bad” is a perfect comment, especially for mothers going through tough times with their children and am sure, there will be many days as your children grow that the phrase will help you through the day. I remember my mother telling me that “six shouldn’t be so difficult” when I had a child having tantrums and stubborn behaviors. I hoped, at the time, it meant she was developing her own way of of dealing with life and practicing being a leader and not a follower?
I also agree that having a partner in raising children is so much better than being alone. Even if your partner is busy with work and being the wage earner, they are still there and at the moment where you need a small break, you appreciate them being able to jump in and take over for bath or bed time or some outside time while you try to create calm out of chaos before dinner.
Love seeing pictures of your happy children.
Yes, yes, yes! Having a godly spouse is such a huge blessing, even if they are busy! Those little breaths of help can be a lifesaver.
I love your Motherhood posts!
Hi Brianna!
I hear you! My hubby used to drive truck over the road, and I went along until I was pregnant, and then….! It was staying at home by myself plus not feeling the best for awhile! That wasn’t even parenting by myself, but I understand the hard! I send you blessings and favor for every week and day that you spend apart.❤️
Thank you, Susan! Blessings to you as well! <3
My husband and I are missionaries in Japan. I was separated from him for several months as I’ve been in the states caring for my father while my husband was in Japan caring for his parents (also missionaries.) His brother is now in Japan and my husband has joined me stateside. My father is in the final stages of cancer. It’s been really hard, but I’ve learned some things about the Lord that I don’t think I would’ve learned without going through this trial. I’m very grateful! It was good to hear from you. I enjoyed reading your post. They are always such an encouragement! Thank you!
Blessings to you and your family as you go through this hardest of hards, Kim. <3 I'm glad you know the Lord!
I’m a 71 year old nana. I spent yesterday celebrating with my son’s family for their youngest son’s first communion. I reflected on those feelings and memories of the hard times I had when the kids were younger. I observed the proud parents as they straightened outfits and pushed their kids to stand a little straighter. I said my own quiet prayer that God was with me in my hard times and that now I can enjoy all those as blessed memories. Thank you for sharing your insights!
Now I’m going to go make your recipe waffles from your cookbook. Have a blessed Sunday.
What a blessing that you can be a part of your children’s, and their children’s, lives!
First off, your family is beautiful. My first child was a breeze. He was always happy, slept thru the night at 8 weeks old, played well by himself, just a cheerful little. My next “child” was a set of twins! Two totally different little humans. I love being a mother. I would have loved to have a house full, but God decided 3 was a house full for us. My babies are now 34 and 29, and are wonderful young men. It is a joy to see the adults they became. Its hard to remember the hard times, there were so many more joys! They do change fast at that age. ENJOY every minute!
Twins would certainly be a double blessing…and doubly hard! I have a very high regard for all twin parents! Thanks for sharing your story. I would love to have more children, but we have no guarantees of anything, and I very much admire your contentment with what the Lord has given you.
Always a blessing to read your words and agree in my heart with what you are saying…May our Father continue to bless you and your very precious family!
Hello Briana,
So good to hear from you again and thank you for sharing your life and thoughts on it. You asked about blessings in the hard…
My husband and I are married for 25 years this summer. I am born in Belgium and he is born in The Netherlands. I moved to The Netherlands when we got married. I was only 21 and it was very hard on me and I missed my family and my country. I even got fysicaly ill because of it. But God gave me a church family to come home to. I’m so grateful for that.
Then we couldn’t get pregnant and the hospital became my second home. After 4 miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy we now had 4 children within 4,5 years. So I had my own family. What a blessing from God!
We struggled with our children from the beginning because we noticed they were a little different. So school didn’t work that well and the children struggled too. We got diagnoses: ADHD, ADD, autism, emotion regulation disorder, high sensitivity. With them being very intelligent the hurt was even harder because they had such potential and they understood that. There was a lot of frustration. Through the struggles and finding our way God gave so many precious people around us to help, guide and console us. He is so kind to us!
Now our children are 21, 20, 18 and 16. They have become strong young adults because of what they have been through. They will find their way in life with God because they trust Him with their life. And my husband and I are blessed with a beautiful and strong friendship and a deep faith and trust in the Lord. Because we have seen his faithfulnes and goodnes unto us. He realy is a loving and caring Father! When it was dark, He was our Light. When we didn’t know where to go, He gave direction. When we felt alone, He was present and gave us brothers and sisters. And now, the same as in darker times, we will praise His name! Because He is worthy!
I wish for you to have the same experience in life. Not especially the hardships, but the presence of our Father. But He is most noticeable in our pain…
Your sister in Christ,
An
Wow, thank you for that, An. You have a story that is beautiful…not just in spite of being hard but BECAUSE it is hard and because of how real the Lord has become to you. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the chatty update! The children are growing up and clearly flourishing under your care and direction. These are busy days and years. I’ll be praying for you!
Welcome to Nebraska! The Good Life 😊
Hope you settle in well here and find a great place to live! I’m curious as to where you are locating, I’m about 45 minutes from Lincoln. The sunsets are the best here ❤️ – from a fellow Nebraskan
Thanks for sharing, Briana! I always enjoy your posts about motherhood, they’re so relatable and real! I’ve been going through a hard season since our daughter was born 13 1/2 months ago. She’s been such a wonderful blessing in our life, what a sweetheart! But I’ve really struggled with my energy levels, needing lots of naps, coffee, and extra sleep on the weekends, as well as lots of help from Mom just to get through daily life! My hormones, adrenals, and somehow, my whole system, has felt like it’s just hanging on by a thread. My list of should- be- doings is very similar to yours! 😉 Sewing, photo books, getting outside, gardening, hosting at least often enough to avoid the criticism (real or imagined) of fellow church ladies. But I’ve been so blessed during this season as well! My husband Ryan has been so supportive and helpful, he’s amazing! He often gets up Saturday on his day off with our daughter so I can sleep in, and he’s probably done more dishes in the last year than ever before in his life! Also, so many ladies from church have been inviting us over on Sundays when I should be hosting, giving us a miraculous break! I’m also blessed with amazing doctors who are finally helping me to feel better, and a dear friend who’s also walking her own health journey beside me, and loves to share tidbits of new health wisdom. And my Mom gets so much credit for all the help she’s been to me, emotionally and physically, coming to tidy our pig-sty, (I’m actually a neat freak!) iron shirts, do piles of dishes, babysit, and have us over for supper regularly. God truly does provide! I’ve often taken comfort in the Bible verse that says “…When I am weak, then am I strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:10
Thank you so much for taking the time to write that, Kelsey. Blessings to you during this stage when your body just can’t keep up with what your mind and heart want to do! (The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak!) I’m so glad you have a supportive community around you. I have been so, so grateful lately for our church family and the ladies who step in and help with my (naughty) children while my husband is gone and I’m at church by myself, or invite us for dinner, or offer to babysit.
I’m missing my husband and his help with the children this weekend, but because he is gone I had time to go to the park for a picnic with a widowed friend and her children. Thanks for the reminder to see the blessing in the hard.
I love reading your “journal”… it’s so relatable. I’ve got a two year old daughter and a 10 month old son, and I’m pretty sure they have quite similar personalities to your two, gathering from your pictures and descriptions.
I felt so overwhelmed last summer after Remi was born. Aviana’s adjusting to him was harder than i imagined and a naughty streak came forth strong…yes, often hitting, pinching, or trying to sit on her baby brother. It was a full time job protecting the little guy. He did sleep well, though, praise be! I gave thanks for that many times!
This weekend I’m solo parenting too (my hats off to you for doing it that long!) and at the park with them this evening I suddenly realized that I’m out alone with them and it’s fun and I’m not pulling out my hair. I’ve got a full time little friend that I can hold full conversations with, and I love it! (Most days.)
Okay, this got too long, but every time you post I’m intrigued how similar our children sound, and tonight since hubby is away I finally took time to reply. 😁
It sounds like we could be twins on many, many counts. =D Thanks for taking the time to write! How I wish we could meet up in person!
I loved reading your post! I so miss my children being little. We have one son in San Diego and we were able to go visit this week. It made my heart so happy to be with him. If I had it to do over again I would have as many children as God would bless me with. They are a joy! Your littles are adorable!
My blessing during the hard times.
I have Stage IV metastatic breast cancer but during this journey I have so many things to be grateful for. So many blessings.
After being diagnosed and having surgery to remove a tumor on my thoracic spine, I was able to attend my daughter’s graduation from Emory University. She received her BSN and I am such a proud mama.
During my treatments, I am always surrounded by at least one of my family members. They make sure I have what is needed and my sister in love has done so much research and keeps me apprised of her findings.
Blessings are always around us even on the days when we have to search extra hard for them.
I wish you and your beautiful family many, many blessings. Enjoy the “little” years for they go by so very fast.
Thank you so much for that, Kim. Your hard is much harder than my hard, and I am encouraged by your story. I’m so glad you have a supportive family.
Hey Girl! I just wanted to let you know that my now 17 year old daughter was so mean to her twin brothers who are 20 months younger. They are the best of friends now. Also, my one son had a “binky” (aka pacifier) until he was 4 1/2. I noticed Haddasah has one. My husband is a dentist and my sons teeth turned out just fine😊
I thank you on both counts, Andrea. Those are two of my motherhood woes. (I say that tongue in cheek…I’m not super concerned about either at this point.)
I can relate to so much of your post! I have a 2.75 year old girl who is extremely busy and opinionated and strong willed but oh so fun and delightful too. Sometimes it seems we never will grow out of a stage and suddenly it happens with more ease than I thought! (Giving up a pacifier or potty training) And then I have a boy who is 20 months. He is a lot more laid back but still needs supervision a lot. I can relate and sympathize to long (or should I call them short??) nights and hard stages. My son is currently getting over an ear infection he’s been battling for a month. Long story. He needs a second set of ear tubes put in. Always trying to find the good in the hard and enjoy each stage as it truly is just a short stage. Anyway… appreciated your post! My husband is also in the medical field.
Joanna H
Ohio
Thanks for writing, Joanna! I certainly hope your son can get what he needs and be free of his infection. Sick children kind of put everything else on hold!